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I received surgery #3 on May 15th for SMAS, the largest, most intrusive surgery yet.
Oftentimes I get asked how I can trust in a God who would allow me to go through such horrible pain. I point to Genesis 3 and the fall of man, and that before sin entered the world, there was no pain. This was God’s intention. It was man who turned from that, and sin entered the world. Because of that, things like vascular compressions exist.
The pain that I have felt for so long pointed me to a humbling truth about 2 years ago - the weakness of my body and my physical depravity points to a much bigger issue- my spiritual depravity - specifically my sin. At the point in which I acknowledged my physical inability, the Lord was nudging my heart to realize my spiritual inability. When the gospel was preached to me for the first time, both of those truths clashed and I realized my desperate need for a savior due to my sin.
I found myself so caught up in this life prior to knowing Christ that it took being afflicted deeply to ever stop and truly ponder eternity in the depths of my soul. This led me to the reality that I would rather be afflicted here, and know my need for a savior than to live this life problem free and attempt to stand before God on my own righteousness.
God’s Word tells us that we are even blessed when we mourn (Matthew 5:4). That when we suffer, we are becoming more like Christ, the Son of Suffering. Only God could use something like this for good, and He has and will continue to. All Glory to the name of Jesus.
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