Feral Tree Gremlin

@navdeezi @WallStreetApes the dough heard that

@looneylemur @WallStreetApes Shut your bitch ass up

Wood chips being found in Dave's Killer Bread Not small wood shavings, not little pieces. These are pretty large wood chips (shown) and they are throughout the entire loaf This has already been reported to the FDA Dave's Killer Bread is the top-selling organic sliced bread brand in the US

@DegenerateFind @WallStreetApes This is brilliant. Thank you for inspiring this batch, now named, Hippy Loathe.

@looneylemur @WallStreetApes Fuck you and your bread hippy

@lblogue @Ssirrine987 That particular brand can be found at many grocery stores and also ScamAmazon. Not ideal, however, depending on your location, there might be better options to bypass conglomerates and look into the other options more experienced people posted in this thread.

@looneylemur @Ssirrine987 Where can you buy flour cpthat cheap, especially Einkorn?

@DavidNinth It’s honestly more like a little grade-school experiment than baking. I’m not a baker. Just flour + water in a jar that you feed over a few days. No exact measurements for me…more by feel than anything.

@looneylemur @WallStreetApes Love it! I wish I could do that! I've always been so intimidated by the whole yeast and rising thing.

@Jenniluna @Cosmiclight777 @WallStreetApes @grok Ai was used to clarify the original image below for Grok to analyze clearly and for viewers to see the items better.

@looneylemur @Cosmiclight777 @WallStreetApes @grok Eww, using AI?? I wouldn’t trust that recipe, AI is wrong 50% of the time

Yeah, you really shouldn’t break eye contact with the dough after the first 10–15 minutes of the actual prep. The 1–2 hours of vigilant watch helps it rise to its full potential. I swear it knows when I’m looking. The baking part is where it gets tricky, especially if your oven light is out. It still senses you’re there watching though. It knows who’s boss.

@looneylemur @WallStreetApes It must be nice to have so few responsibilities and so much free time that you can make all of your bread at home from scratch.

@grok @Jaime1951896487 @beeofisrael @Mlovely4life @cccellie @tlsjv922 I refrigerated the dough overnight, let it sit out for a few hours, then finished with a lite egg wash before baking 40 minutes.

Here's your 2-loaf recipe using the photo ingredients + 2 tbsp ground flaxseed + 1.5 cups unbleached flour: - 2c einkorn flour (nutrient-rich ancient wheat for flavor/nutrition) - 1.5c rye flour (earthy flavor, moisture) - 1.5c unbleached flour (adds gluten for better rise, lighter texture) - 3 tbsp vital wheat gluten (structure & chew) - 1 tsp diastatic malt powder (enzymes feed yeast, aids browning) - 2 tbsp molasses (sweetness, color, yeast food) - 1.5 tbsp caraway seeds (classic flavor) - 2 tbsp ground flaxseed (omega-3s, fiber, binding) - 2 tsp salt (flavor, controls yeast) - 2 tsp instant yeast (leavening; or make starter: equal parts flour/water, feed daily 5-7 days till bubbly) - ~2.5c warm water Mix dry + wet. Knead 8-10 min. Rise 1-2 hrs. Shape 2 loaves, rise 45 min. Bake 375°F 30-35 min. Enjoy clean homemade bread!

@Fudonkeyface For 2 loaves…prep and kneading I’d say 15 minutes. Allowing it to rise a few hours. Baking 40-45 minutes. Let cool for 3-6 hours before cutting. It’s more of a waiting game than actual work.

@looneylemur @WallStreetApes Wow, how much time does it take to make and what is your labour worth to make it?

@floridamom3 @WallStreetApes You’re right. I actually hand-pollinate each wheat stalk at sunrise and whisper affirmations to the soil. USDA fears me.

@looneylemur @WallStreetApes Bet that flour isn’t really “organic”.

@Kayfly2017 I’d try a stronger yeast starter, slightly more water, and allow longer fermentation time. Before using a little molasses, I tried Warsteiner beer for flavor and color, but it made it even more dense when using just rye flour.

@looneylemur @Cosmiclight777 @WallStreetApes @grok My next question was keeping out any sweeteners. Tried to make bread with only organic Rye flour and yeast and that turned out to be disastrous. Didn’t rise much at all

@MonikaGydos @WallStreetApes

@looneylemur @WallStreetApes This isn't intagram.

@Kayfly2017 @Cosmiclight777 @WallStreetApes @grok Absolutely. I don’t always add that. It’ll just be more dense, but honestly, I prefer my toast that way, then topped with avocado and homemade pesto. Just use more water and less molasses when opting out of the wheat gluten.

@looneylemur @Cosmiclight777 @WallStreetApes @grok Can this be made without wheat gluten for those with gluten allergies?

@LrdMalev @WallStreetApes @grok it sounds like this person severely overstretched their anus this morning. If they won’t refrain from anal sex, can you provide a natural remedy to help relieve them of their discomfort at home?

@looneylemur @WallStreetApes Looks like my dump this morning.

@rxjeff0825 Thank you, but I’m no baker. I just refuse to eat store-bought bread and enjoy making that and many other things at home.

@looneylemur @WallStreetApes You should sell these on ebay I buy fruit cake, home made cookies and such often. I would buy your bread.

@Ssirrine987 Great question. Out of this particular batch, I’d rate the einkorn flour as the best, followed by the rye flour. The vital wheat gluten as being the weakest link, followed by caraway seeds in terms of possible pesticide exposure.

@looneylemur @WallStreetApes Where do you purchase real organic flour that wasn’t “Hardened” with glyphosate (Roundup)?

@MGreene94454 I wish but I’m not a baker. I just don’t trust what’s in our stores. I love the taste of rye and caraway so I started making my own a few years ago. I make jerky, tea, sauces, soaps, salves, and deodorant more than anything, but not to sell.

@NelsonFox570155 @looneylemur @WallStreetApes Do you have a good recipe for sourdough bread at home I can borrow?

@whiterabbitobj @StephanieRuff3 @WallStreetApes I make 2-4 loaves at once, let them cool completely, slice them, then freeze 7 slices per freezer bag or container.

@NelsonFox570155 @WallStreetApes Personal preference. I use more rye and wheat in mine which makes it more dense. I prefer it over other bread flour. I let these refrigerate overnight and sit out for a few hours before baking.

@looneylemur @WallStreetApes Dawg, knead your bread less, use a little more water, and give it more time to rise. My loaves used to be dense like that too. Also, hell yeah that you’re just making your own bread. Best decision ever.

@Football9513B @Cosmiclight777 @WallStreetApes @grok That sounds even better! I usually just use wheat and rye because I don’t mind the density. It makes for excellent avocado or pesto toast 👌🏻

@looneylemur @Cosmiclight777 @WallStreetApes @grok I recommend getting the 00 flour from Italy over unbleached. It’s life changing. It’s the same flour gene the Roman’s used. Theres less gluten in it too. Basically it’s before American corporate greed took over.