Niall Gray

Pinned tweets are only really for people with actual things to say

@InvertTheWing I’m sorry but Arteta isn’t even fit to lace Invert’s boots, let alone share a table with him. What has he won? Nothing. What has Invert won? My heart, at the very least

I have just awoken from an absolutely crazy nightmare. It starts, I am having dinner with Pep Guardiola and Mikel Arteta, at Salt Bae’s restaurant in London. We are exchanging tactical ideas. But halfway through this dinner, I try to check my phone, because I had no update from my friend Ange Postecoglou, who was also meant to attend this dinner. I spend minutes looking for it, not even focusing on the accent. Mikel says to me, “No, no… we speak about de phone later, eh? Now we are here, we enjoy de dinner… fully. Dis is de moment, yeah? You have to be present.” I obey, as I do not want to kill the vibe. Dinner goes on, we share some Sangria wine, eat steak. And of course, share tactical ideas. The dinner comes to an end, and I offer to pay. “No, no, no… you are our guest, my friend. I will not let you pay, eh. IMPOSSIBLE! Today, we take care of you, this is how we do, yeah?”, says Pep Guardiola. But Arteta, he has his own idea “No, Josep… let him, eh. It is good for him. He will learn a lot from dis… you understand? Sometimes, you have to experience dese things, yeah?” I oblige. I pay the bill for £1568.34, as it was all of our families enjoying the meal. But I still do not have my phone, and I complain to the restaurant staff. They told me it is my problem. Mikel Arteta offers to drive me to the police station, so I get into his Mercedes Benz GLE. I say my goodbyes to Pep Guardiola and his family, and go with Mikel. He tells me “I need to get something at my place first, eh. Then we go. Everything step by step, yeah?”, with a bit of a laugh. I am the passenger, so I can do nothing but agree. We get to his house, he tells me “You can come with me, eh… while we wait. We are like family here, you understand? Always together, yeah?” I feel flattered. He tells me I can look around, make myself at home, and tells me to check his office. Pitch black. I go to turn on the light. The door locks. A lightbulb shines. And a masked figure appears. The masked figure takes out his mask. It is Ange Postecoglou. He says to me “You left your phone, mate”. And gives it back to me. I ask him, “where were you, Ange? You missed our dinner! Why couldn’t you come?” Out of nowhere, Mikel Arteta comes out. “No, no. Don’t worry about him, eh. We focus on us.” “I cannot believe this, eh! I bring Ange, okay, yes, this is on me, I accept BUT YOU… you do nothing?! He is in your pocket! IN YOUR POCKET! And you are just there… like this doing NOTHING?! Where is the awareness? Where is the aggression?! You have to compete, even at the dinner table, eh! This is the standard! I cannot come here, organise everything, trust the process… and then you allow a pickpocket in front of me?! No, this is too much! You have to be sharper! You have to suffer! You have to feel it! Because this… this is not acceptable at this level, yeah?!” He throws my phone on the floor out of anger. “You have to leave my house. Now. No more discussion. This is the decision. Because if we accept this… we accept everything. And I will not allow that, yeah?” I leave. I am disgusted with myself. He has made me feel embarrassed. I could not even catch up with Ange, but why would Ange agree to this? I felt betrayed. And then I woke up.

Fair play to Cristiano Ronaldo 👏

Take a note: meme idea - Igor Tudor but his face is on the big fella from Game of Thrones. Igor Hodor

Found out this weekend that our local disabled football team is called the 1066 Specials. Woke is dead

Eric dier wouldn’t have let this happen

@SpursOfficial @TalkingTHFC @krakenfx Tel starting? Alright you won me back over

Team news is locked in 🔒 🔢 @krakenfx

Sorry WHAT prison

we lowkey the vincibles

Today is a rough day to have Tourette’s, hiding out for the rest of the year

This wasn’t quite what we meant when we said “bring him home”

I think that if you’re going to write a piece in the Times urging the government to use and boost more AI, the fact that you are paid by a major AI company should be in the first sentence, or at least first paragraph. I also think that the best scenario for AI is that it destroys millions of jobs with the prosperity, dignity and community that goes with them. The worst scenario is the destruction of the human race - a fear openly expressed by an increasing number of senior and experienced AI engineers who are leaving the industry. And somewhere in between a myriad of horrors such as yet more screen learning and screen addiction for our children. But I do see that it will make rich men even richer. And that’s the most important thing of course.

When it’s about the LGBT+ community or Palestine, it’s all “keep politics out of football” …But when a billionaire starts spouting race hate nonsense, he’s “only saying what’s on everyone’s mind”. And they’re still too ignorant to see the double standard

@LairySockPuppet I’m sure @InvertTheWing will oblige us at some point

In years to come there should be a study/thesis on how Frank, who achieved nothing in his career except avoid relegation with Brentford (but take Spurs to the brink) is considered a “great” manager. Vs Ange, who won things everywhere he went inc Spurs, but was a clueless fraud

Not cutting my hair until Tottenham Hotspur win 1 game in a row

Quietly praying that Poch appears out of that tunnel for the second half like the fucking Undertaker

Even Eddie Howe looks like he’s feeling sorry for us

So the new Enic are no different to the old and yet another manager hung out to dry. Regardless of opinions on Frank he has like 13 fit players. And what a relief Paratici stayed to help this month. An invaluable contribution. Vinai and his programme love letters can fuck off too

MATCH REPORT: Spurs 2-0 Dortmund, with @lordofthegray questioning whether this is just papering over the cracks? #COYS #THFC purefootball.co/spurs-2-0-dort…

IT’S TIME