✧ 𝓢𝓱𝓲𝓷𝓮 ✧

“Can I smoke around you?” Babe, you could hotbox my living room. I promise we’ll survive.

i like clingy. i like when someone purposely grabs my hand to show other people im theirs. i like that when something exciting happens during the day, im the first person you want to tell. i like coming back to an “i miss you” text message when im in class or taking a nap. i like that random call at one in the morning just because you wanted to hear my voice. i like little gestures that show im important, and you enjoy having me in your life

Imagine walking into a restroom and finding your wife with another man... bro's villain origin story started right there 😭

I'm kid free for 3 weeks. Dead beat dads, what yall be doing without yall kids, cuz im lost.

My son got me a robe and slippers for my birthday. 🥹 He got them in the same emerald green as my new couch set. I've been decorating the house and adding more emerald green throughout the space, and he noticed. He said “Now you can match the house!” 😂 That little detail made my heart so happy. 💚

If he ghosts you after you sleep with him, give me his number. I’ll call and tell him we found your body and he was the last person to be seen with you.

Giving it my all

I want to become a better version of myself with you by my side, and I want you to become a better version of yourself with me by yours. Life ain’t easy, let’s grow through it together. 🥺

adults be needing therapy and instead they have children

My wife asked me: "Do you know what day our daughter's school concert is?" I said: "No, when is it?" She said: "Exactly."

Trusting Mike with my house rent today

My ex called and said he loves me and wants me back and i don’t care about mercury retrograde or all the work me and my therapist did, IM GOING BACK

Girls only: tomorrow when you wake up, men no longer exist. Only women on Earth. What's the outfit you'd choose for this first day of freedom.

Staking my house on this picks

Maturing is realizing you don't need to finish the blunt in one sitting 🤷🏾‍♀️

Women are lonely, too. But people don’t care because lonely women don’t murder, they go to grad school or get a rescue dog.

The goat today is gonna shine, placing my savings on this.

@Duelbits Winning for real

I was a nonverbal kid. I behaved weirdly and didn't socialize well. Doctors told my parents I couldn't be autistic because I wasn't a boy (spoiler: they gave me a diagnosis that is now part of ASD). Fast forward, I was diagnosed with something completely off the mark because 'autism presents differently in girls and she presents more like a boy. So it's something else.' Y'all. The mental gymnastics. I'm autistic. The train flavor.

@Duelbits Upshine3

To celebrate America's birthday... we put $100 on red 🔴🦅 If it hits, we'll distribute $200 across 10 lucky winners who comment their Duelbits usernames 🇺🇸👇