Madelyn Miller

Just found out my parents read my tweets to keep track of me, shout out to you guys if you’re reading, this one’s for you mom and dad

#mnwild #mnwildfirst

I actually don’t think we’re angry enough about rich people going to space while the world burns

i’m just gonna say it. david rose would hate your tacky little “rose apothecary” t-shirts. he would be disgusted

when the pandemic ends i’m heading straight to the bowling alley ordering a pizza and throwing strikes

Someone from the government just called and asked if they could hold a press conference in front of the store.

From the guy who brought you “the reason there are so many cases is because we are doing too many tests” comes the new hit single “I’m only losing because they’re counting all the votes against me”

[inventor of cursive] what if the letters held hands

Me buying stamps

NESSIE?! YOU NICKNAMED MY DAUGHTER AFTER THE LOCH NESS MONSTER?!??!?!

The year is 2030. Bakery art is so realistic, literally anything could be cake. The uncertainty has gripped the world in fear. I go to hug my wife for comfort. She is cake.

Beating this pandemic is a group project. This is why I always hated group projects.

@Spotify let us listen to music with friends from a distance. See a friend in the activity feed? Tune in, queue songs together. Listen to the same songs in real time. Think Netflix watch party, but music. Hire me.

when is the last time I set a timer for a Jack’s Pizza? never, it’s instinctual. does a lion set a timer for when the antelope is fully cooked? no, the lion knows.

people born in 1996 identifying with millennials and gen z

Pilot Pete has been quarantining with one of his exes? No way!!!!! WHO IS IT CHRIS? Please tell us. No one in America has been on the internet for the last 3 months so we have no idea. I can’t wait 4 this reveal. Imagine if it’s Kelley? And Pete stayed in Chicago w her? Cray zay!