Steve Hernandez

But seriously, happy anniversary.

Dungeon, a Comedy Roleplaying Game returns March 29 at Lyric Hyperion with @theashleyray @BigHern Andrew Polk and @nessguerrero. Come out, have fun, and watch the chaos.

Madmen makes drinking look glamorous bc you feel like you’ll have a martini and a cig and be foggy headed and beautiful like Betty Draper, but I am not her and I would end up eating someone else’s leftovers and telling my uber driver how I feel about charter schools

I need you to understand that nothing is going to be done about anything in the Epstein files. Nothing. The people in the documents will suffer no consequences. The institutions responsible for the abuses you've learned about will not change anything about how they operate. Your government will change absolutely nothing about its policies and behavior. Nothing will be done if you vote in the other political party. Nothing will be done if you vote in new politicians. Nothing will be done if you write letters to your senators and representatives. Nothing will be done if you hold protests outside government buildings. No meaningful laws will be passed. No prosecutions of any meaningful consequence will occur. Don't believe me? Just watch and pay attention. The power structure which birthed the Epstein abuses is not going to do anything about the Epstein abuses. The only thing that might possibly change is that some people may become radicalized against that power structure. That's the only real benefit that might come out of these Epstein releases the public has been demanding for years. That a few more eyes might get opened to how creepy and evil the people in charge of their society actually are. How creepy and evil capitalism and the western empire are. How creepy and evil Israel and Zionism are. That the collective might become a bit more aware that we live in a dystopia which elevates the very worst among us to positions of leadership and control. That's it. That's the only positive change that might come out of all this. Our rulers won't do anything to help right the wrongs, but the people might become a bit more ready and willing to overthrow our rulers. That's the only way health and humanity is going to win this one. By waking up to reality one pair of eyelids at a time and realizing that the reason everything is fucked is because we live under a fucked up system which elevates fucked up people, and we're not going to have a healthy world until we abolish the fucked up system that put the fucked up people in power. The Epstein releases won't change the abusiveness of the system. But they might nudge people toward dismantling that system.

bro i feel bad for my cousin. he went to prison before Alamo drafthouse was a thing. da one thing that's been keeping him going is one day being able to order turkey burger sliders w/ a pencil during Super Mario galaxy 😞

filling holes in the holiday market 🕯️🕯️

Must’ve found his car

My wife broke her ankle a few weeks ago and I know she wants to have sex but I’m really afraid that I’ll hurt her ankle more. I told her “I’ll eat your pussy but I’m not going full BEAST MODE on that ass!”

What a baller move. Gotta remember to do this after my exes kick the bucket.

Nothing as funny as this clip cutting to Tim Dillon at the end

do you think he was kind of surprised this worked

We are permanently trapped at these people's mercy while forced to watch them slowly learn shit people generally figure out in 11th grade

Damn that was sick when that guy from THE WIRE macked on the Haim sister, brother sign me up

RIYADH MONEY (feat. Bill Burr)

@sstaver Hey! Thank you!

@BigHern You are amazing as The Quizzard.

My favorite April Fools was the guy scamming comics saying his wife was a big fan and wanted a fan birthday video done, but oops he sent too much money over venmo, can you venmo him the difference? And then somehow he cancels what he sent & just takes your money. I just found out earlier today the name of the man behind this scam. It was…Steve Hernandez aka @BigHern

Strung together all the times the punchline in this Adam Ray “stand up” special was just someone’s name. (This is a cry for help.)

That is a lot of footage to capture. Was there a script?

Feel free to keep laughing at metro’s walking video! Those of us who haven’t given Frank McCourt a dime in almost a decade are gettin our steps in! Join the movement!