bug-eyed bitch

@DadRockEnjoyer reminds me of the time when a customer called to ask what the “country” section meant for his billing info, and after explanation asked what country he should put

A customer just called to ask me what her billing address is

sleepyhead by passion pit came on shuffle and suddenly i was 14 again braiding flower crowns and conducting photoshoots in my friends’ backyards

@cloutgoofus i love you so much!! 🥹💖 love of my life!

it is the 27th birthday of my love and angel, the cutest and funniest person i have ever met. i will bask in your jealousy that you do not get to spend as much time with her as i do

@DadRockEnjoyer wait, you’re telling me animal crossing invented snowmen?! 🤯

@mantisisonline *explaining a snowman to Mantis* Imagine Animal Crossing...

I made a snowman

@DadRockEnjoyer oh i’m definitely gonna frolick around the house listening to this

@mantisisonline open.spotify.com/track/6kLp24Op… My schmaltziest top song for my schmaltziest bestie

Today is going to be earth-shatteringly slow at work so I am doing my annual engagement harvest--reply to this and I'll assign you a song from this playlist that I think you might like or makes me think of you

@cloutgoofus jonny is trying to shame me for my choice of pant to a casual setting in rainy weather for context

can u wear sweatpants to picone if you are dining in

@DadRockEnjoyer i won’t make fun of you, but is there any way you can get a flight tonight? 😭 that’s terrible

My friend is getting married this weekend in California. I booked a hotel and flight. I forgot about it until just now. My flight was this morning and the wedding is tomorrow. This is genuinely the stupidest fucking thing I've ever done. Make fun of me in the replies.

@DadRockEnjoyer you’ve given me too much power‼️

@mantisisonline Ok fine you can have the Hello Kitty guitar

Last time I did this it was fun and this website has been fucking miserable lately so I'm bringing it back--reply to this and I'll assign you an electric guitar that I think matches your vibe/energy/aesthetic

@DadRockEnjoyer she’s spunky and cute!! i’ll take it 🙂‍↕️ surprised you didn’t assign me the pink hello kitty guitar, but i love this one

@mantisisonline I feel like you would play an "offset" guitar like this one--the "offset" refers to the dimples in the sides of the body not being across from each other. This particular example is a Jazzmaster--don't let the name fool you, these are not used for jazz

@lilbabyliiv omg i love you too and miss you greatly 😭💖

if you love your girlfriend this isn’t mildly infuriating. it’s mildly endearing and a perfect opportunity to have a lil bite of cheese alongside her. mm delicious

@DadRockEnjoyer you would actually rock this so well

Lately I've been feeling pretty bummed about my hair visibly thinning. It's probably not noticeable to a lot of people but I haven't been feeling great about it. I decided to try and see if I would look good bald using a Snapchat filter and UH I THINK I DO

VERY FITTING THAT TO BE SMITTEN COMES FROM THE WORD SMITE. THIS LOVE HATH STRUCK ME, SUNDERED ME, HATH LEFT ME BROKEN AND BEATEN ON THE FLOOR. I LOVETH THEE.

@DadRockEnjoyer tip included but STILL

@mantisisonline SEVENTY-FOURRRRRR❓️❓️❓️❓️

just spent $72 on two shots and two beers at the state fair #godblessamerica