Man with two bags

Sometimes doing a leaky emergency ostomy bag change is like having a genie in a bottle, except the bottle is made of shit, the bottle is full of shit, and the genie is actually made of shit and he can only offer one wish and will grant it if you want to be covered in shit.

@suzi1dore An idiot I worked with once he found out I had 2 stomas started telling me stories of his friend (who had no name) whose bag would spontaneously explode on the bus showering everybody including the driver. I was jealous I could only spray 2 rows of seats with mine.

You wouldn’t believe the amount of people who have said to me “no offence, but I’d rather die than have a stoma”…you do you, crack on, I’ll just be over here sparkling ✨🥰✨ This grandma 👵🏼 happens to love this life. #coloncancer #coloncancersurvivor #bowelcancer #colorectal

@EndWokeness And if they don’t you are stuck with the architect of your destruction for at least another 4 years.

If these tariffs end up working, nobody will ever trust The Experts again.

@Alphafox78 My wife suggested I could pile my stuff up in the back garden and tie a tarpaulin over it to stop it getting wet. On the other hand she wants me to buy even more furniture to store her stuff.

If you're married - you know: 😫

Moving date to Wales is finally decided.the clock is now officially ticking. Boxing up 27 years of stuff not so good.

Nope still no superpowers only a painful rash. Not fair.

I seem to have been bitten by a spider while I slept. It’s quite painful. But what’s worse is it didn’t seem to be radioactive and so far I haven’t developed any superpowers. If I don’t I am going to be so disappointed.

@claire_taylor22 I don’t, I guess the thing I miss most is getting ready quickly in the morning as I can’t shower and go anymore as it takes 10-15 minutes to sort out fresh bags. But a night bag does mean I don’t have to get up in the middle of the night. Swings and roundabouts 😁

@manwithabag Amazing! Do you miss it?

It’s been 1568 days since I had an actual wee

@parcelforce how do I get my parcel re delivered. Tried the website, tried phoning but you seem now to just pretend the parcel doesn’t exist. Awful customer service.

Lately I seem to be getting more and more boring every day. But I will not go quietly into that night……

@EssexPR @EdPond4EF So was he a massive racist, hitler fanatic, holocaust denier or just a sex pest?

The Reform candidate for my area, Epping Forest,pulled out at the last minute, meaning no one could replace him, that’s cost 1000s of votes here, my inbox is full asking me who to vote for ! I’ve gone Independent @EdPond4EF as he’s against mass immigration & gender nonsense .

@campbellclaret @michaelgove So Gove has finally admitted the 350m was a lie. He should be in prison.

So @michaelgove has reportedly told Tory HQ staff they must double down on the £2000 Labour tax lie because they showed with the £350bn for the NHS Brexit lie that the more a lie is talked about the better it is for the campaign. This is a level of cynicism and political amorality shocking even by their standards. But it is a consequence of the failure of politics and media to hold liars properly to account. It is the normalisation of lies thanks to Brexit and Johnson and the right wing rags that Farage thinks he can get away with the economically illiterate rubbish he produced yesterday. Vote Labour Get Labour. Give these Tories a beating they will never forget

@archer_rs A photo of a massive tool. And a wrench.

Charlie Mullins, one of the UK Reform Party's financial backers says in the event of a Labour victory he intends to move to Spain. Who wants to be the first to tell him ?

Drive to wales take 2.

@Smudge92084582 Wet, smelly but nothing a shower and a bag change couldn’t fix eventually. Going to try again today.

@manwithabag Sorry to hear that. Hope you’re ok 👍🏻

Today was the first time in 4 years since my urostomy a leak has actually stopped me doing something. Driving to Wales, got to Reading and I was soaked, always carry spare clothes, bags etc but this was too big to change as needed a shower too. Turned round and drove home. ☹️

@genius79529452 I just rarely seem to get the time these days. The election results weren’t exactly surprising 😁 but with all the people moving out of London now or claiming a trump style stolen election it looks like at least the tubes will be emptier when they move. How are you?

@MelJStride to get the lowest level of pip I had survive cancer and have a big chunk of bowel, my bladder and a few other bits and pieces removed and I still had to jump through hoops to get £250 pounds a month. I am living the dream. You are an absolute fuckwit.

@72_rededge Ooops. Somebody didn’t do last nights sacrifices. Better do double tonight.