Quiet Criminal

“Bet on yourself.” - Pete Rose; 1987

@wingstop hausen says pickup your favorite flavors this WrestleMania season, or.. YOU.. ARE..CURSED! #ad @WWE

share this with your boss so you can eat and bracket during work.

i can’t believe he only had 9 rebounds.

if you start eating a 5PC combo at 11:47 the clock will strike midnight just as you bite into another wing (which number wing is up to you)

The Muppet Christmas Carol reminds me a lot of Inception.

“Dick isn’t in enough.” - me watching the Raptors by myself

millennials in 2025 •age: 39 •net worth: 40PC to 50PC •kids: just the wings •house: studio apartment where wings are eaten •sleep: after eating wings •anxiety: delivery driver can’t find apartment building

what did you smoke?

i think i like turtles more frogs but i do like frogs a lot. 🤷‍♂️

@RyanWalters_ @FoxNews @kevincorke you’re a really bad person. kids in your state deserve so much better.

Oklahoma students will be taught to think critically, not be spoon-fed MSNBC-approved narratives. The 2020 election did have irregularities. Let students study the facts and draw their own conclusions. @FOXNEWS @kevincorke

being the hero AND the villain in your own story is fucking exhausting.

nothing stresses old white men out more than pulling a boat into a dock.

was Donnie Wahlberg dead the whole time?

Phoenix Suns coach Mike Budenholzer has never not looked constipated.

what dispensary do you think Jokic goes to?

I hate this.

when i was a kid i was specifically told i could not listen to Naughty by Nature. i just saw a Starbucks commercial featuring a Naughty by Nature song during an NBA game and i was like … ok. this is my first X in a while thx for your time.

Day 20: Saved by the Bell

Day 19: Seinfeld

writing a cold open about being unemployed every day until i am no longer unemployed. day one: Abbott Elementary