Broni

“Do what you love and you’ll never work a day in your life” Me:

@jenna_marriee Hey

Friendsgiving but it’s just me at hooters getting blackout drunk and flirting with the waitresses

I asked a girl what her ideal man is and she sent me this wtf

Fellas, if she says “im about to cum” she is NOT telling you change rhythm

People see me buying rounds of shots and bottles for all my friends and think I’m rich. Bitch I’m not rich I’m irresponsible.

A sad day is upon us. The first leaf has fallen. The morning air is crisp. Sundress season, has come to an end.

Me: sorry I’m kinda drunk My Lyft driver: it’s okay I am too Me: lol.. wait what

Me: last night was a movie bro Last night:

If she starts sending you memes, congratulations king. You’ve secured the bag

It would be really cool if I could not bring my organs to the brink of shutting down every weekend but I am just not a cool person

They say that dogs mirror their owner’s personality. Apparently it’s true

Nobody talks about how men are also held to unrealistic beauty standards. This is a prime example of how Hollywood has warped the status quo

@caratrischitta Proud of you

Working on the weekend like usual

The key to running a successful business is simply covering a wall in ivy and putting up a neon sign that says something like “bad bitch szn” and the female foot traffic will sustain you for generations

Me if being drunk at inappropriate times was a sport

Me: *chugs beer* alright whose ready for some SHOTS Everyone at my niece’s pre-k graduation party: