brando commando

Not exactly “great for the brand”... “I’m an athlete.. I’m an athlete.. I’m dead”

roe, roe, roe your boat, gently down with the state and the pedophile politicians

If the people at @postmates think this sort of ad is good for gay people, they’re on crack. The incessant pandering is bad enough, but this is just gross. Can June please be over?

law school is so easy even I did it

@AndersWalker @YouTube nutsack

Reg Vice: Sirrup culture? See: V NASTY & LiL DEBBiE - "GOTTA BALL" OFFICiAL ViDEO: youtu.be/1jAsip3zJJY via @youtube

murdering the elderly is quite literally doing God’s work

I drinked too much

Could really go for a denny’s waitress rn just to pay homage to tiger

People who wear distressed jeans be like “I fall down all the fuckin time”

BUTT NAKED WONDER BIG BROTHA THUNDA AND THE

“Awesome” -my dad hearing I sprained my wrist

I am Ronald’s strongest soldier

The CIA funded several drug smuggling operations in North and South America but they did it with our tax dollars so we are all equally guilty of starting the crack epidemic

rest assured that I will come to your skatepark and I will take a shit in it

confession: on the last day of a vacation, I will always drop a deuce in the pool. any pool. none of your pools are safe.

some kid with a razor scooter beat me up for taking a shit in the skatepark but I can’t stop

Today, when introducing WWI, a student raised her hand and brought up the death of a certain archduke. Nobody knew his name, so as a hint, I offered that he shares his name with a band. Gentle reader, my students asked if there had perhaps been an Archduke Metallica.

the season finale of better call saul will reveal that all of the events of breaking bad take place inside a snow globe that kim gives saul before dying of a marijuana overdose

“Fuck” -my dad when he remembers I exist