Meg Connelly

@mattrife The internet said you can't move him, but you can maybe sponsor him! Or donate money to behavioral consults or primate enrichment programs to help him integrate better 🥲

Will somebody PLASE tell me how to adopt that lil monkey, Punch?! 🥺🥹 They’d bullying him and i won’t stand for it

@mattrife Saw your story, please save Punch 🥹. And I think your next endeavor should be starting up an animal rescue. I have been trying to save some dogs at a kill shelter in Memphis and would love to see other pets also get saved across the US! Here's a dog we just helped 🥰

@kroger Is out here proudly waving a banner: “We’ve lowered prices on 1,000 items!” Me, with a calculator and common sense: That’s 3.3% of your 30,000-item inventory. Thanks I guess? That’s the corporate equivalent of your ex texting “hope you’re good” after years of torture 🤣

@mattrife Saw these insomnia tricks and wanted to share. I heard sunglasses work too.

@turo I would also like to point out that I did some research on the host who lied about me not filling the car. He has robbery, criminal trespassing and lewd conduct charges under his name. Is money more important to you than safe people?

@turo may be cheap, but they operate under shady business practices and allow their hosts to do the same. This isn't over Turo. Stop stealing from good honest hardworking people.

@turo strikes again. I filled up the gas tank before I returned my rental. The shady host claimed that I didn't gas up the car and I was charged almost 40 additional dollars. I provided photos of the gas tank as well as my bank account charges from when I went to the gas station.

Dreams are so weird. I had a dream that I was stuck in a snowstorm and @nickjonas pulled up in a forest green pickup truck. I felt bad about asking for a ride so I offered to pay him five dollars to take me to my house. Then he told me we were going to stop for frozen bananas 🤷‍♀️

Also I’m free if you’d like to hire me for your quality control because whomever currently holds that position should be fired immediately @Walmart

@bettergoods @Walmart What the HELL is this false advertising. I want my $6 back on principle. It looks like genuine dog slop.

@mattrife I paid for a few months a while ago. But you weren’t using your account I guess at the time. Is there a way to get that credited for your new content? Patreon told me to reach out to you :)

Officially have a PATREON!!! Will begin posting a lot more over there :) Go sign up now for exclusive content! patreon.com/MattRifeComedy

@TripletMomRae @rosebowlgame Regardless. So awful for national television.

@megcsports @rosebowlgame omg i’m dying - this isn’t the main broadcast 😂😂😂😂

Amateur hour beer pong vibes right here. Absolutely disgusting how they talked on national television. Have some class. So disgusting. Nothing but a bunch of frat talk. Do better. You couldn’t have been worse! @rosebowlgame #OhioState #OregonDucks

@PatMcAfeeShow and his frat buddies should be ashamed. These middle aged men called Oregon dog shit on national television and get paid for it? Ohio played the better game but come on. It’s inaccurate and awful broadcasting. How do you have a job?

@mattrife Duck fan here. Just crying into my glass of wine 😰

Let’s fkn go Bucks!!!!!!!! O-H-

What is going on at the @rosebowlgame. I have never in my life heard a more incompetent group of tv announcers. They sound (and look) like a couple of guys they pulled out of the crowd at random. This is PAINFUL 🤣😳 #rosebowl #OregonDucks #ohiostate

@mattrife Merry Christmas! I am sure you’d trade so much of your success to see your grandpa again. Thinking of you as I mourn the absence of my grandma. Hope you had a good one regardless ❤️💚. Thank you for all the laughs this year.

@mattrife They just caught the guy they think “took care of” the UHC CEO and I can’t stop thinking about the fact he’s good looking AND he had a manifesto. What say you? 🤣

@dominos check yourself. You’re the Walmart of pizza. $10 in taxes and delivery fees? I will not be paying $40 for shit pizza for one person 🤡

@publix “This is what I wanted. The pastels? And this is what I got” 😭😂