merrill davis

Sorry I'm late, I was stuck in a relationship.

@deannamcraig @RpsAgainstTrump lol what

🚨 BREAKING: A Dem senator says there will be enough votes to reopen the government tonight.

Come see Witch Hunt | this Sunday at Comedy Store | Comedy in Los Angeles timeout.com/los-angeles/co…

This speech should terrify anyone who cares about our country. Declaring war on our nation’s cities and using our troops as political pawns is what dictators do. This man cares about nothing but his own ego and power.

That Coldplay kiss cam thing was 20 years ago today.

Ok I’m open to any miracles if anybody has any.

My dentist said that the dental x-rays I just took are also used to identify me if after a catastrophe I’m unrecognizable. She’s a hoot.

Sorry I'm late, I was stuck in a relationship.

As it turns out, Florida can get dumber.

does anyone know how i can disappear from this current timeline

everything feels like a call for help. HELP!

Is it too late to pick a time to be born in?

sometimes people just don’t like you. not me though. people always like me.

@charliekirk11 @JessicaTarlov god you’re a sick man

Debate me on the merits, don’t just throw out petty thought terminating cliches. This isn’t 2015, that doesn’t work anymore. What Muslim country do you prefer to live in, Jessica? What western city or country has improved as the Muslim population has increased? America’s largest city was attacked by radical Islam 24 years ago, and now a similar form of that pernicious force is poised to capture city hall. Be courageous enough as a liberal to call it out, I know deep down you are worried about what he will do, you just are afraid to say it.

24 years ago a group of Muslims killed 2,753 people on 9/11 Now a Muslim Socialist is on pace to run New York City

I don’t know what you guys are doing but I’m doing a lot of grappling. Just like a crazy amount of grappling.

Just to add to Walton Goggins discourse, when I wrote on a sitcom he starred in, sometimes he’d pop into the writers room like this:

I think I’m better equipped to handle multiple disasters and a dictatorship in the summer months.

Being alive is crazy.

SPREAD THE WORD I’ll be personally issuing $500,000 @BedBathBeyond online gift cards to those who have lost everything in California and NC from fires and floods. Thanks to all the vendors who are pitching in. We are grateful. #ThingsCanBeReplacedLivesCant Contact me marcuslemonis.com