Mike Kenny

lol who wrote this the American Egg Bo- ... what

putting some furniture together, stuffing broken parts into all the holes as hard as I can until the job is complete 💪

my favorite genre of email is "it's easier than EVER for you to give us your money here are the ways to pay us this one costs an extra $2"

back on my grind lots to like in this batch but posting to @Nextdoor that you're "Kinda upset" because "A couple people told me today they were not coming" is lowkey completely insane, even amidst unsolicited ALL CAPS advice to marinate your chicken in detergent before cooking

🥉 Eliot 🥈 lash stylist 🥇 Cold a sac 🏆

I'm aware that "Well here is another 'exciting' post from me" and "OK, what the hell is this?" are very meta as they apply to that tweet, but I will not apologize. This is my calling now.

"North west side Random girl with Full coverage Beanie black" has "Shawty had them apple bottom jeans, boots with the fur" vibes.

update:

refusing to open my local @Nextdoor email notifications or log onto to the site knowing things can't possibly live up to the promise of the subject headers

big if true, and very bad for New York #sportsdrop

@Gworship9 @optimum ha, thanks! I knew complaining online would ultimately provide a service to someone, somewhere. Listen, we're in this together, so stay strong. I'm counting the days until I have another option. 👊

. @optimum what are you even doing right now

@tombreihan Tom, I'm very sorry for your loss. Your dad was my history professor at Loyola, and he was awesome. He invited groups of students to his home for dinner. May he rest in peace.

This is the funniest thing I've read so far in 2022, from the greatest writer doing it.

One of modern life’s great indignities is when a pop-up ad seeking all your personal info for 5% off a future order replaces an X with something like “I’m an idiot who doesn’t like saving money” and you have no choice but to click.

take THAT, Elton John! (also, I love you.) tinyurl.com/butthesethings…

Waiting on line at ups store to finalize an amazon return. Two masked workers are mindlessly scanning boxes and other than them, I’m the youngest person in here by 40 years. The raunchiest song I have ever heard in my life is blaring from the speakers.

@ChrisDallasTX I can’t beat this. You win, my man.

"these bunions are genetic!" I scream at my father, waving a printout of this report in his face