mimi

"Stream-of-consciousness was long ago conquered by a man who wanted his wife to fart all over him." -from No One Is Talking About This by Patricia Lockwood

@greg16676935420 fake guy in the yearbook named Dick Blower

What was “the incident” at your high school?

@greg16676935420 My friend Susie jumped in the pool with her clothes on.

@greg16676935420 And here I thought he wanted the bombing to stop

When my friend asks why I’m driving 10 minutes out of the way to get a Costco hot dog when 7 Eleven is right here

@Joannathelee @greg16676935420 I love the name walkie talkie

@greg16676935420 I think it was the same guy who named the walkie talkie.

We really couldn’t have come up with a cooler name than bunker buster?

@greg16676935420 He is now the most influential American on the planet

🚨BREAKING: Robert Francis Prevost has been elected as the new Pope

@greg16676935420 No, no, no greg Don’t you know that that’s a form of birth control

Nice

@greg16676935420 Probably the same number as I have - zero

I wonder how many Costco hot dogs the new Pope has eaten

@krakenfx @greg16676935420 Deep dish, man, c’mon. Dude’s from Chicago.

@greg16676935420 Do you think the new Pope prefers deep dish or regular pizza?

@greg16676935420 Find anything else?

I just found a dollar in my shorts that I haven’t worn since last summer so I’m pretty excited right now

Nicole Kidman’s new haircut FTW

@dr_parkinstine You’re the only person on X that doesn’t make me feel cynical. 😊

Mr sandman with slide show. Enjoy 🙂

@Gary_Thorpson @DeItaone That’s what I was thinking. Hollywood? In California?!?

@DeItaone Now he cares about Hollywood?

*TRUMP PLANS 100% TARIFF ON ALL MOVIES PRODUCED OVERSEAS

@UnivBasicInfo @greg16676935420 Yeah, buy two baskets

@greg16676935420 Buy the stocks, but don’t put all your eggs in one basket!

If you haven’t heard yet Warren Buffett has announced that I will be taking over as CEO With that I will inherit $334 billion of cash. What should I buy with all this money?

@greg16676935420 It’s used by a doctor to hold your balls out of the way when examining for hemorrhoids.

I found this in my grandmas attic does anyone know what’s it’s for? It’s about 8” long

@SpillTheMemes Dude, while you’re at it, take out the bathroom trash.

Wait, does this work? 😳

@greg16676935420 Tell us all about what it’s like when you’re pho king greg

They call me the pho king

@greg16676935420 And a special lane for your kanji

This parking garage has spots for charging your cats

@BoredElonMusk Have you watched The Leftovers?

Severance season 2 (about half way through) is starting to remind me of Lost, and not in a good way. Debating if I want to continue.

@ChessyCrab @greg16676935420 🤢🤮🤮🤮

@greg16676935420 Lovely! What's the stretchy stuff. Impressive

Forgot to buy cheese so I used cheez its for my burgers tonight