Miss O'Kistic

*wakes up and looks at phone* ah let's see what fresh horrors await me on the fresh horrors device

*Trump bites off head of a bat* TRUMP: *blood drips down chin* God help this poor creature. PUNDITS: In that moment, he became President.

Who among us has never unilaterally authorized airstrikes as a PR stunt in between bites of well-done steak at our gilded vacation palace

The CNN philosophy in a nutshell, as distilled by Jeff Zucker. nytimes.com/2017/04/04/mag…

Everything is just so fucking dumb. *falls to knees and shakes fists at the sky* SO DUUUUUUUUMB

HOW IS THIS REAL? (1994) 81 min. A crass President (Rodney Dangerfield) sends his dimwitted son-in-law (Paulie Shore) to fix the Middle East

War. War Never Changes.

In other news, I just found this on Taobao

"I've heard there's also a kind of public car called a... *squints at notecard* 'bus'" twitter.com/washingtonpost…

We're now living in a sci-fi b-movie's opening narration explaining how the rich came to live off-planet

Things the 8th Cir. says can help justify a police search: - Driving from Arizona to Illinois - Being "extremely laid back" - Spare tire

I mean, can't we just go back to a simpler time, when a man could fall into a vat of foodstuffs and the company didn't have to fish him out?

trump is mad and red infowars supplements will turn you blue this joke format is tired and so am i, god, i'm so tired when will this end

Final GOP healthcare plan is just going to be subsidized infomercials hawking Trump & Sons Miracle Liberal Tears Tonic made from coal water

"Some people believe that death is actually an awakening."

AHCA revisions -Medicaid recipients prohibited from experiencing joy -Unemployed pregnant women must give birth in a job center -Die already

Sean Spicer tossing a smoke bomb and trying to escape, but his pants fall down and he trips, landing face-first in a cream pie

House Republicans unveil new food assistance program for senior citizens

When his skull is the perfect size for laying your thousands of quivering, wet eggpods inside

this is fucking infuriating ijr.com/2017/03/814687…