Ace Hosein

Diary of a surprise surrogate father A 🧵

Gin and sorrel dangerous, be careful this season

I need to add to my will If i die tragically i DO NOT want Ian Alleyne in meh place

It dawned on me today that I have a half marathon next Sunday I have not prepared for 😱😵‍💫

South girl have nice bottom eh but I getting too old for back pain from that M1 Tasker

Skinny Fabulous really say fuck around and find out 🤣🤣 music.apple.com/tt/album/find-…

A child keeps coming to talk to me through a gate I'm sitting next to and I have no idea what she's saying, I just randomly agree or disagree 🤷🏽‍♂️

My toxic trait is I gonna tell the dentist people I visit that they look like they enjoy hurting people

If I just got my sandwich toasted don't talk to me #workadvice

Today was a day to drive home without pants

@fareeezy Your stylist never misses

Her stylist never misses

These ladies taking off the ac in the break room makes me want to forget women's rights 🥲

All of my facades have a low melting point and today's fucking hot

@nikhipedia1 Not yet, I'm waiting for a carrot cake dowry offer

@mrtwinkle But. Did you accept?

Day 3 of being a delivery driver and I've received 3 marriage proposals 😝 #blush

Why is it so hard to get an invoice emailed to you??? Print whatever you hadda print for your records but give me the thing digitally nah

This bitch say meet her between 8:30 and 10.... I've been here since 9:40 and am annoyed

Almost unquantifiable how much better this would have been

@Mystical_Faerie 🤮

@PicturesFoIder Happy owl getting some love..🦉😊❤️ twitter.com/Yoda4ever/stat…