Jamie Andrew

If you’re looking for a funny, occasionally crude, occasionally philosophical distillation of fatherhood that you can read in little bits on the toilet, my new book is for you. Dad or Alive: The Hope and Hell of Fatherhood amazon.co.uk/dp/B08QQ6NZM5/…

@LeoKearse As long as both the algorithm and Inspector Knacker understands that this challenge is undertaken in the spirit of pun-based japery with no hatred underpinning it, here we go: Bomb Jewvi Vanilla Ric-in K-Pau Hamassive Attack Mujihadeen of the Stone Age

I'm covering Britain's first all-female terror plot (so progressive!) on my Patreon stream tomorrow. What names can people think of for terrorist girl groups? So far we've got: The No-limb Sisters Atomic Bomben Little Mix of volatile chemicals Girls: A loud explosion The Spisis Girls The Supreme Ayatollahs Bananosama Little Micks (IRA reference) Got any more? Post them below. I'll read them out on the stream.

We'll be coming? Last time Scotland played in the world cup I was going. To the toilet. Endlessly. To violently shit myself half to death. Come with me! #wc26 #scotland jamieandrew-withhands.com/2021/07/03/199…

Yesterday's TV Presenters: A Journey Through Time & Space jamieandrew-withhands.com/2025/10/31/yes… #noeledmonds #jeremybeadle #dealornodeal #emu #rodhull

jamieandrew-withhands.com/2025/09/10/muc… A summer trip to puffin island off the coast of North Berwick, featuring mist, defiance and penguins.

@catturd2 😎

@BowhouseP5_4W It was worth the wait. I'm sure he'll have lots to tell you.

@BowhouseP5_4W C asked me to send these, from our visit to the Titanic museum.

@BowhouseP5_4W And this, from the nearby SS Nomadic, which is part of the Titanic's story.

@CopMoustache There must always be checks and balances on the police. They can't be allowed to act like authoritarian renegades. They must always act within the law. That being said, I'd have happily watched this officer beat this condescending wank to a bloody pulp like it was 1973.

I have no idea who this officer is but I need to buy him a pint He also needs to be the next James Bond 😊😊👍 x.com/Protect_ServeU…

Caught a headline: FIVE CHARGED IN DEATH OF LIAM PAYNE. Everyone talks about hip hop, but these boy bands are vicious as fuck. [either that or Blyton has kicked things up a notch] What next? WESTLIFE WHACKS BARLOW? (Barlow survives - he used his giant son as a human shield)

@Jbanklestankle1 The Provolone Ranger

Best cowboy name for him wins

Much like P Diddy, that's my wrapping completely finished. Merry Christmas everyone.

@mikemovies I think James Bond would be able to karate chop them before they got his pants down.

I've never wanted to be on a boat more.

@PaulDock93 Might want to rethink this now.

Rewild East Kilbride with all the condemned American XL Bullies🙏😌x

@craig_m0808 Even the Germans are saying ca-nein to this scorn.

£7k for a new fanny so she can get pumped off her dog. 🤮

@GlesgaPaulmk6 Good news, though, she's just been cast as Ryder in the new live-action Paw Patrol movie.

Seen the videos of that burd fae East Kilbride getting pumped off her dug? Offtttt heavy wrong yin.

@DrAllyLouks When you leave X please, please, PLEASE let your parting words be: 'Smell ya later.' You owe it to humanity.

I have set up an account! The username is just my name. Feel free to follow - it would be nice to keep the (civilised) conversation going. I do expect to leave this platform soon.

@CharleyGlasgow Exactly. You do you. You know what your son needs better than anyone else. And I hate all that 'THEY NEED TO BE IN THEIR OWN ROOMS WITH A WRITTEN RENT AGREEMENT BY THE AGE OF 3; IF THEY EVER CRY JUST IGNORE THEM OR THEY'LL BE GAY' shit.

@CharleyGlasgow My two still take turns to sleep in with me a lot of the time. It's usually Boomers and older that get sniffy about things like that, even though they all slept 85 to a bed in their day like something out of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.