not this ending.

On March 21st 2021, my world crumbled. Everything I knew, or thought I knew, was ripped out from under me. I found my son dead. He had taken his own life. He would have been 23 on 6th April 2021. My son's name is Liam.

My most recent sick note says “Bereavement - low mood” I guess there aren’t really the words but personally, I wouldn’t describe trying to survive after the death of your child as ‘low mood’. It runs out on my son’s death date. Like a sick joke. #suicide #Child #SuddenDeath

@TerriJD30 @PontefractAT Not too late. Thank you so, so much ❤️

@notthisending @PontefractAT Just made one … hopefully not too late 😘

⁦⁦We didn’t quite make our target but we raised a lot. I’m so grateful to everyone who donated - thank you. Any last minute shares or donations would be great! ⁦@PontefractAT⁩ m.facebook.com/story.php?stor…

@johnchiar @SarahOkeson ❤️

@SarahOkeson @notthisending love you

‘Unremarkable’. That’s how my 22 year old son’s heart was described at the coroners hearing. Unfuckingremarkable. Can you imagine hearing that? How dare this next year start without him. How dare the world keep turning. I am losing my mind. #BROKEN

@hopestevep All true. ❤️

@griefmedchild Liam took his own life. I think I’m that moment, part of me wanted it to be physical so that I had an explanation. But I know it doesn’t make a difference why or how. They are gone. I know they are just words & terms used but they hurt don’t they. Every bit of him was remarkable.

@notthisending What happened? Was your son in heart failure?

@dontnowhat2say ❤️

@prancydancer8 You are right. They will always be truly remarkable ❤️

@notthisending Lisa I'm sending you my love always....our beautiful, precious children all had the most remarkable hearts 💕 and we will always carry them in our own hearts 💖xx

@william30726399 Weirdly, I think maybe I wanted to hear he was physically unwell, almost to make sense of things. I appreciate that in itself makes no sense.

@notthisending There are Coroners who do not allow Post Mortem reports to be read into the evidence at Inquest. The Interested Parties will have seen all the reports anyway. It really is not necessary unless relevant to the death. So sorry you were upset by this medical term. RIP Liam.

@JohannaCollett ❤️

@notthisending I am so very sorry for your loss xx

@TriciaSkinner ❤️

@notthisending 🫂❤️🙏

@glachlan I guess there are some things that can’t ever be made to sound acceptable. There were many things from the report that weren’t mentioned. I left with a mental list of things I intended to complain about but realised that I would’ve always found that someone used the wrong words.

@notthisending Do you get a chance to speak at the inquest? They should hear, from you, the harm done by their poor word choice. So sorry.

@missysoozy ❤️

@notthisending Sending my love and thoughts to all.

On March 21st 2021, my world crumbled. Everything I knew, or thought I knew, was ripped out from under me. I found my son dead. He had taken his own life. He would have been 23 on 6th April 2021. My son's name is Liam.

@missysoozy You are right 💔

@notthisending Scarred me for life and left such a fear for my own child. People talk willy nilly about kindness but unless they practice it, it means nothing. Our children are the most precious thing in the world to us and to lose them to suicide is just horrendous.

@lizdeoli There are just no words but my heart aches for you, for all of us. I’m so sorry.

@notthisending I had to cross examine the pathologist about my own daughter’s body (I’m a retired barrister). It was absolutely horrendous

@DanJohnsonAB Such beautiful, beautiful pictures. My heart aches ❤️

@notthisending So sorry amazingdexterjohnson.com

@IamCal12 I completely agree.

This is so sad. I bet her heart was still broken from losing her son to suicide two years ago.

@NixterJ I am under the community mental health team but honestly, I’d say that doesn’t count. I think we reach a place that feels beyond help. A place that only we know. I think sometimes others that don’t feel how we do can sometimes make us feel even more alone. If that makes sense?

@notthisending Do you have some professional support to help you through this?

Constantly somewhere between wanting to cut myself so I can feel a different kind of pain, to wanting never to feel a single thing ever again. I am broken. #Grief #mylove #broken #ruined #ItsOkayToNotBeOkay #iambroken

@thementalelves Good advice, you’re right. Not that we always listen to advice but good advice all the same! ❤️

@notthisending I hear you. Sometimes you have to hang on. I did yesterday. Never quit on a bad day.x