Mike LaRock

just got to greenland. actually mostly ice. appears the president has fallen for one of the classic blunders!

did you know that mormon missionaries are not permitted to swim? true fact

oh, verizon wireless, you tease me with your silken tongue. how can I protest such sterling logical prowess?

pluto tv brings you the convenience of cable without the hassle of good quality programming

my next appointment is a bringer smh

if you show your therapist clips of your act it’s kind of like doing a gig for -$250

biblical times must have been sick I wish ‘wise man’ was still a viable career

if you want a truly immersive film experience, try watching Dune on a flight with no drink service.

@ricincabbage haha was trying to work on the wording of this one

@WhitmerThomas @tillamundo blessed TL

When I was 5 the chef at Benihana kept tossing shrimp in my mouth and I threw up on the table it cooked my throw up

reconnecting with a friend who moved to Nashville:

@pappalardofunny I am so proud of this joke’s journey

this is no way to speak of the late Gilbert Gottfried

@TheStratstar If it were any other team I’d say I felt bad for the fan, but as a proud Boston sports fan I know that guy’s first thought after breaking the glass was “wicked.”

@openmike He left ok. Looked like the dude who was most responsible for pushing the glass out got booted from the game.

Glass bangers, eh? #Bruins #Hurricanes

@TheStratstar Hope the guy’s alright. I’m listening on WBZ and it wasn’t clear what happened right away.

@openmike The passions ran high and old dude goes out on a stretcher.

there’s a fine line between Thoreau and the Unabomber

when you’re ten years old in 1900 and your family sends you off to work in the mines:

self-defense instructor would be a great job for somebody whose kink is getting beaten up by frightened women.