@DavidPGCSE Never mind, with hand like shovels you could be the new Mark Spitz. Unless you are also cursed with a huge penis that drags along the bottom of the swimming pool.
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@paulbeardow
I like guitars and records.
Katılım Ağustos 2008
556 Takip Edilen340 Takipçiler
People have been taking the piss out of my enormous hands so I've come out for a pint to drown my sorrows
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The garden is covered in bluebells this year. There must be an incredible display in Micheldever woods down the road. maps.app.goo.gl/HcnfVCeA7JcZ3s…
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@thesundaysport @jk_rowling I always wondered, is Jolyon one of those strange names like Menzies, Cholmondeley or Beauchamp? You know, spelt one way but pronounced completely differently, so not “Joh-lee-on”, but “Discharge” or “Phlegm”?
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NARRATOR: JK Rowling had never met Jolyon Maugham. They were never friends. Her close friends remained her close friends. Jolyon Maugham remained a fixated loon.
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@thesundaysport The ghost of Bernard Matthews strikes again. Did you hear a plaintive “bootiful” on the wind as you rambled today?
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High drama in south Cheshire. Nothig to do with me
thenantwichnews.co.uk/2026/04/19/bre…
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@rthonbwooster @DavidPGCSE Because they would look stupid with small ones?
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@DavidPGCSE Do you know why elephants have big ears?
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@thesundaysport Tell me, is this how the mystical hedge porn gets seeded? The Sunday Sport singing “I like to go a-wandering” whilst stuffing copies of Razzle into hedgerows for youngsters to discover on their journey into manhood.
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Just seen on the map that we'll be walking through a parish called Coole Pilate, which goes straight on my list of favourite place names
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Off for some amblings in the far reaches of Cheshire later, beyond Crewe.
It's technically part of Down South.
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@thesundaysport @BradfemlyWalsh Personally I would have recommended Monster Chicken in Stockholm for all your Prime Swedish Giant Cock needs monsterchicken.se
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@BradfemlyWalsh What you want is Prime Swedish Giant Cock #7. (You don't really need to have seen the previous 6)
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Tried watching a film called Pillion last night. The blurb said it was an erotic gay drama featuring Alexander Skarsgård. What I thought I was getting was prime Swedish giant cock. What I actually got was Dudley Dursley being unceremoniously bummed on a cheap carpet.
GIF
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@thesundaysport @BurnsideWasTosh I reckon the story will be that Mandelson failed first time, then did some extra swotting and passed on the second go. So while technically he failed, he also passed, so no-one lied!
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@BurnsideWasTosh It's like watching a lovely flower unfold on a spring morning
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@thesundaysport @FFS_WhatNow I don’t know Kier finds the time to keep all these sock puppet accounts going. I guess he has plenty of downtime on planes and during working hours
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@FFS_WhatNow Too many parody accounts on Twitter these days
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Guys, I think I have found the greatest reach of all time.
Mark Mitchener@markofagenius
So all the other party leaders want Keir Starmer to resign. His success and growing stature as the PM and a respected world leader has made them all furious.
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Some of us (me) have had it thrust upon us, so to speak
Alison Moyet@AlisonMoyet
I genuinely don’t understand why being ‘Hot’ for some is the greatest win. I see beautiful people and think how lovely they are. But why being the muse for multiple sweaty lap-frotting strangers is anyone’s ambition is a total puzzle to me.
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@thesundaysport @JuliaHB1 It's quite evil; deny the humanity of people who won't vote for you, and that then makes it fair game to target them with disenfranchisement and/or violence.
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@JuliaHB1 If this is real, it's bloody terrifying. And his glassy-eyed disciples will lap it up.
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Zack sounds a bit... y'know... far right.
Skint Eastwood@Skint_Eastwood1
🚨Green Party Leader Zack Polanski Wants To Build A Society That Doesn’t Include Anyone From The Right “There are people who identify as right wing or even far right… Do we think we can change their minds or is it a case of building a society that doesn’t include them?” What the hell does Zack mean by this? Tell us @ZackPolanski what do you have planned if you ever get into power?
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@_HelenDale Oh, they are 31 years old now! One's a doctor and the other has just finished a Phd in quantum computing UX :-) I have had my eyes on another Sheltie for some time, but want to make sure we have the time for it.
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@paulbeardow Perhaps when your twins are older, it will be time for a floof.
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@thesundaysport I am trying to decide if the Greens are a sophisticated joke or genuine lunatics. I guess the plan to tackle misogyny is to let men decide what’s best for the little ladies?
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OK. We give up.
We'll never beat this one.
mandy rhodes@holyroodmandy
Scottish Greens announce plans to introduce a bill to tackle misogyny…
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@thesundaysport The worst part is that it is just more grist for Miliband’s windmill.
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Some twats are making a mint with the oil price going up and down like a whore's drawers
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@DavidPGCSE Yeah, you are a bit old to be playing knock up ginger. She probably wouldn’t be best pleased either if she was suffering from morning sickness when you rang her doorbell and legged it either.
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I fear the window for me to knock up Natalie Portman is now closed
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@BurnsideWasTosh @TouchlineX I follow David Bowie’s assessment of Coldplay. When he was asked to collaborate on a song with them he simply said "It's not a very good song, is it?" Can’t improve on that solid judgement.
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@TouchlineX Be just our luck to get to the final this year. And have to endure this shite.
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🚨 𝗡𝗘𝗪: For the first time in history, The World Cup Final will have a halftime show.
It will be organized by Chris Martin & Coldplay and could take up to 25 minutes.
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The Breakfast Club (1985) was the first completely unscripted feature-length film to make a profit at the box office.
John Hughes filmed the detained delinquents, without their knowledge, using a camera and microphone concealed in a He-Man lunchbox.
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@thesundaysport Merely the thought of listening to his monotone drone for 10 minutes was enough to open the straights. He has no excuse now but to head home and beat himself up again for trusting someone who definitely didn’t mention any security failings. He is so, so cross with himself.
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See, we were all taking the piss and Keir's single-handedly reopened the Strait of Hormuz.
We don't deserve him.
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