Gramps Bobo

Hey twitter peeps. New dog arriving sunday and need to decide between these names

@CitizenUddin @EalingCouncil How do you get to 54 year old?

New Broadway W5 I can't say for certain if either of the gentlemen are 54, but I can say with a degree of certainty, that neither are female. BB is a 54 year old female. And the fact they are unloading food into a burger van tells me something is amiss. @EalingCouncil

@PhilipProudfoot So the cleaner who just wants to do a few hours to top her pension gets a raise, so the shop floor workers want a rise, so their team leader wants a rise, so their manager wants a rise so the group manager wants a rise so the directors want a rise. not sustainable?

Don’t particularly feel sorry for any business owner whose enterprise is only viable because they pay poverty wages.

@theopposum1234 @cecegkh Name of sloth says it all

@cecegkh Get tf over yourself. I’m going to breakfast on vacation in whatever is comfortable. It’s not disrespectful to you to wear what they want. No one owes you shit, weirdo.

@toobaffled I'm well known in our family for always having a bag of buttons in the car. Said to my daughter last week they don't taste good any more, stopped buying them now.

Cadbury’s ‘Dairy Milk’ got banned from being called chocolate in 27 countries… because it’s no longer chocolate. 🍫 They swapped the expensive cocoa butter for industrial oils and petroleum vanilla, then added PGPR to stop it separating. All done in sneaky little 1% changes so you’d never notice. You’re not eating chocolate anymore – you’re eating a flavoured wax bar with a fancy wrapper. Check the ingredients. See ‘vegetable fats’ or ‘PGPR’? That’s your sign it’s fake. Real chocolate has 5 ingredients max. Everything else is just expensive processed junk. They’ve been robbing your taste buds for years. What’s next – ‘milk’ without the milk? 🥛

@KieraDiss Kier will give them another £10m for 'security'

MOSQUE VANDALISED IN STOCKPORT Religious texts and books were allegedly thrown on the floor, doors broken and around £5,000 in cash stolen. Up to £30,000 in damage has been reported including a brand new sound system. Greater Manchester Police are investigating.

@Lea_EFC There's contact but it doesn't cause him to fall, he could have continued running. It used to be a contact sport but this type of cheating has ruined it, supported by soft referees and VAR.

I’ve just seen this angle of the Arsenal penalty and I stand corrected, Madueke didn’t dive and it was a foul. I hold my hands up 🙌

@BGatesIsaPyscho So, concerned about dog inbreeding but not about human inbreeding?

🚨🇬🇧 Meanwhile in the UK The British government are now considering BANNING 67 Breeds of dogs from UK streets ‼️ There is also plans to ban Dogs from parts of the English countryside. Why? The cover story is that it’s animal welfare, however the real reason, is simply, that Muslims consider Dogs to be ‘Haram’ in Islam - and are applying constant pressure to have the animal banned entirely.

@models_by_Russ Well put. As it's for the ones that don't initially leave voluntarily, I'm just waiting for the surprise when none leave voluntarily.

Dear Prime Minister & Home Secretary, I hope this letter finds you well, fully caffeinated, and in possession of a calculator. I’m writing with what I believe is a modest, fiscally responsible proposal. I understand the Government is offering up to £40,000 to certain individuals to voluntarily leave the United Kingdom. First of all — bold strategy. Nothing says “strong borders” quite like a cashback scheme. Now, I regret to inform you that I am, in fact, a fully tax-paying, law-abiding British citizen. I know — awkward. I appreciate this may disqualify me from the premium exit package, but I’m willing to negotiate. I would like to formally apply for £35,000 to leave. You see, unlike some applicants, I haven’t broken any laws to get here. I didn’t arrive by dinghy. I didn’t require processing, housing, or legal appeals. I’ve actually been funding the whole operation through PAYE for years — which I believe makes me a loyal shareholder in this enterprise. Given that you’re prepared to offer £40,000 for someone to depart voluntarily after entering illegally, I feel £35,000 for someone who’s been here legally all along represents excellent value for money. Think of it as a “Buy British, Get One Gone” discount. For £35,000 I will:    •   Leave quietly.    •   Not require a press conference.    •   Not demand a diversity officer to wave me off.    •   Even carry my own suitcase to the airport. I may also tweet a polite thank-you note on departure, praising the efficiency of the scheme. Frankly, it feels like I’ve misunderstood how incentives work in modern Britain. All these years I thought obeying the law, paying taxes, and contributing to society were the winning strategy. Turns out the real pro-move is to arrive unlawfully and wait for a loyalty bonus. Who knew? While British families are juggling rent, energy bills, and the weekly food shop like contestants on a dystopian game show, it’s reassuring to know the Treasury has located a spare £40,000 per head for voluntary goodbyes. May I ask — is there a points card? Ten years of National Insurance contributions and I get a free exit bonus? If so, I believe I’m overdue. In the spirit of fairness and fiscal responsibility, I am not even asking for the full £40,000. I’m trimming £5,000 off to help balance the books. That’s the kind of responsible budgeting I was raised on. If successful, I promise to:    •   Leave via a scheduled flight (economy is fine).    •   Not stage a protest on the runway.    •   And refrain from re-entering on a small boat to see if I qualify twice. All I ask is equal treatment. If departure is now a funded career pathway, I would very much like to submit my CV. Yours in hopeful relocation, A slightly confused taxpayer

@Aya_Muzi @SprinterPress what's a bike wirth stabilisers? Asking for a friend

@SprinterPress I’ll also arrest you for calling it a Quad Bike, it can only be a quad ( 4 wheels) or a Bike( 2 wheels) not both. So this is a QUAD!

An English farmer independently detained two men who were stealing on his land. He tied them to his quad bike and took them to the nearest police station. The British police arrested the farmer himself, charging him with unlawful imprisonment and assault.

@MTB_updates @SamanthaTaghoy Does this not conflict with the homosexuality being illegal?

@SamanthaTaghoy What is "Bacha bazi"? Do I even want to know?

Things that are legal in Afghanistan: > 𝙉𝙀𝙒: 𝘿𝙤𝙢𝙚𝙨𝙩𝙞𝙘 𝙫𝙞𝙤𝙡𝙚𝙣𝙘𝙚 > Slavery > Child marriage > Cousin marriage > Killing “infidels” > Sexual violence against kids > Bacha bazi > Beating children > Polygamy > Honour killings Things that are illegal: > Chess > Women being visible from windows > Women showing their faces, hands, feet, eyes, legs, mouths, or any other body part > “Places of immorality” including barber shops and beauty salons > Women speaking > Women having a job > Women going to school or university > Women singing > Women leaving the house without a male escort > Women driving > Leaving Islam (life imprisonment for women if caught) > Women going to public places including parks, gyms, amusement parks, and salons > Women exercising outdoors > Women reading aloud > Women accessing healthcare without male approval and control > Homosexuality > Playing or listening to music in public > Dancing > Photographing or filming any “living things” > Any depictions of living things, including people and animals > All non-Islamic holidays > Converting from Islam > Sharing any non-Islamic material > Protesting and any forms of activism > Photographing government or military personnel, buildings, checkpoints etc. > Pork > Alcohol > Women using public transport > Women traveling long distances or flying without a male guardian > Premarital sex (only enforced against women) > Women appearing in media > Teaching subjects like democracy, human rights, or women’s studies > Books written by women > Live political broadcasts and non-state approved media > Romantic poetry > Criticism of the Taliban or Islamic government leaders

@SkyBetChamp @SouthamptonFC Hmm Leicester 3 up and losing 4-3. When's that happened before? 🤔

Game of the Season?! 🍿🤯 A memorable night for @SouthamptonFC! 😇 #EFL | #SkyBetChampionship

@SkySportsNews He has twin brothers Sid and Stan.

BREAKING: Watford are set to appoint Edward Still as their new head coach. Still, 35, is the brother of former Southampton boss Will 🚨

@NormanBrennan Not the city of culture surely? I'm amazed.

BREAKING NEWS; One of Britains NO GO areas is?👇 I reg report on Murders Firearms & Knife Stabbings & Public Disorder multiple serious car crime offences AND other surrounding areas that MANY AVOID like >Plague it’s a Lawless Area; all but Un>Policeable👇

@nxt888 You've never seen Allah but you believe in him

I have never seen Islam drop a bomb on a hospital. I have never seen Islam impose a starvation blockade. I have never seen Islam erase an entire city and call it precision. But I have seen all of that done in the name of fighting Muslims.

@mhdksafa Your first line is correct

@KNEECAPCEOL Why are they playing in swimming pools if it's so cold?

Palestine today. 5 people dead due to hypothermia. Hypothermia caused by Israel blocking all live saving supplies from entering. Just a few miles away, on the other side of seized lands, military walls and tanks, Israeli kids eat fast food and play in swimming pools.

@LibTearCreator1 tell them you have reddit. 🐸

Just found his on my car, what should I do?

@digitalsunshine not unpopular opinion, just your opinion.

Unpopular opinion: I know it's a low bar, but Starmer has already achieved more than the corrupt, inept tories did Reason he's so unpopular is in part down to the media, which of course Laura Kuenssberg, Chris Mason, Robbie Gibb & co have contributed to #bbclaurak #BBCBreakfast

@Anniepop2027 @SkyNews @BethRigby @LBC So how come I've had an email this morning saying my energy bill is going up £15 per month?

Brilliant by Starmer on @SkyNews Thousands child care saved. No increase inc tax £150 off all energy bills Frozen rail fares 6 interest rate drops reducing mortgages BoE expect hit target early this year. Amazing so different from the last 14 years despite @BethRigby @LBC

@Matt_Pinner Cheers

I am totally drawing a blank. 🤔🤔