Geoffrey Bell

@fesshole Always great when you hear somebody has reached a life goal.

As a wee kid I was amazed by the hair growing on the ears of the man in the newsagent's shop. He was my idea of a grown man. He could wear a patterned jumper to work, had a beard, a bald head, and hairy ears. I am proud to say that at 47 I have emulated my hero.

@fesshole Stick a sock over the end of vacuum and you'll be able to put them back in toy box no bother

I occasionally deliberately hoover the odd bit of my kids' Lego as I am too lazy to bend down, pick it up and put it away.

@fesshole Literawha? You lit her a chair?

I love taking a Kindle to a club and reading in a corner. I'll never get more than 10 minutes into my book before one of the nicer and quieter lads asks if he can buy me a drink. We'll generally go somewhere quieter so we can discuss literature.

@timeless_tilly @JenniferTilly @RealDonMancini You got to meet Chewiee! You lucky so and so.

May the 4th be with you on #NationalStarWarsDay! #jennifertilly #donmancini #starwars @JenniferTilly @RealDonMancini

@fesshole Quirk? You're an indecisive narcissist

Some days I am indecisive about whether I want tea or coffee or cocoa so I make all three and mix them up. Hopefully my girlfriend, who'll soon move in, will be able to accept it as a charming quirk.

@pistol147 Totally gutted. It looked like you had it in the bag.

@fesshole You're a effing horse!

Called away while making whipped cream for a sponge cake. I ended up with slightly sweetened butter. Did I use it? Of course. Was it as good as whipped cream? Actually, I think it was significantly better. I ate half of that cake instead of just one slice. That's how much better.

@pistol147 Looking sh!thot. Could this be your year?

@fesshole If you don't wear the trousers, at least you can grow a beard

Have grown a quite impressive beard. The misses hates it and keeps telling me to trim it. I'm also beginning to hate it, but can't trim it, because I don't want to give her the satisfaction.

Every time I remove a baguette from its paper wrapping, I place it in front of me and imagine I'm pulling back the foreskin of my enormous girthy penis. It's a powerful feeling

@fesshole Dipstick

I am a proper indie music fan. Proper 6 music. I send thousands on vinyl and gigs. Best musical experience of the last 10 years was the Steps musical.

@tonyiommi Sorry for your loss. My first all-valve amp was an AOR30 and made the mistake of selling it when I downsized, opting to keep the "louder" Marshall 8080v. The Marsh stopped working a year later.

I assumed most guys masturbated to Miss Piggy growing up in the late 1970s and early 1980s; having mentioned this to friends down the pub; it turns out I was very very mortifyingly wrong.

Accidentally shaved off an eyebrow when trying to trim them. I shaved the other one off to match as I thought it'd look less stupid. It didn't. But rather than admit I fucked up, I told the Mrs I did it on purpose due to losing a bet.

@fesshole Bollocks

Started using one of those sleep talk recording apps a few days ago. Thought it would be a bit of a laugh, I'd catch some snoring, maybe some mumbling, whatever. Turns out I randomly shout out the word bollocks at least two or three times a night. What the fuck is wrong with me?

@fesshole Waiting of EA to release Curling

I grew up thinking my brother was a music aficionado. He was always introducing me to cool songs from new artists. Years later from YouTube comments I learned they were just the menu screen songs from the fifa games he'd play with his mates.

How much of their cosmopolitan sachet coffee actually entered their cup?

@fesshole Banker

Worked in a bank. Surprising how many people don't count cash properly. Topped my wage up nicely every time someone undercounted how much they were paying in, I counted it as a tip.