Phillip McCown

@Matt_Pinner Banana, honey, or marshmallow fluff

🍇 Jelly isn’t available. Peanut Butter and what…..?

Last night, after she’d gone to bed, my 16 y/o daughter receives a text from a friend. (We keep electronics in our room at night). I know my daughter isn’t gonna see it for a while and I know the answer to the girl’s dance-class-related question. So I just pick up the phone and answer it really quick as if I’m my daughter and leave it at that. Tonight, I see her giggling over her phone. I ask what’s up. Apparently, the other girl’s mother had just wanted to get an answer to the question really quick, so she picked up HER daughter’s phone and texted mine as if she were her daughter. (basically both of us were too lazy to go through the rigmarole of explaining, “hi, this is Mrs. So-and-so, and here’s why I’m texting you on your friend’s phone…” But the funny part was how the two girls figured this out. Because the first one was so appalled at seeing her mother‘s perfectly punctuated and capitalized sentences, that she felt she needed to come clean that it was her mom lest my daughter think she is that conscientious. And my daughter, likewise, didn’t want her friend to think that SHE uses correct grammar when texting either. So what I learned today is that it is apparently humiliating to be caught correctly formulating sentences via text.

She realized it wasn’t Mom petting her and instantly panicked 😂 TT🎥 : snoragbongald

DUNE PART THREE..😅

@MegHunterKilmer KeyBank is pretty good.

I really just need an excellent app that will let me deposit as much as I want and will keep images of the checks I deposit. Bonus if they have branches in South Bend as USAA has no branches anywhere and it's infuriating.

I need a new bank for depositing checks. @usaa has updated their app such that I can't even open it and @everwise_cu has an absurdly low online deposit limit that still hasn't refreshed even though it's a new month, plus they don't save images of ATM deposits. Recommendations?

My cat trying to help me figure out who broke the vase 😂

My wife just phoned me and the conversation went like this: Her: “You know that Gladiator movie that I got you for Christmas…?” Me: “Yeah.” Her: “Wind it forward one hour, 16 minutes and 28 seconds.” Me: “Right, I’ve done that.” Her: “Okay, you see the gladiator at the front fighting the lion…?” Me: “I can see that, yeah.” Her: “Just behind him, there are two gladiators having a sword fight with each other…?” Me: “Okay, I see them.” Her: “Well, behind those two, on the left-hand side of the screen, there’s a gladiator holding a spear…?” Me: “Yes…! I can see him.” Her: “Right…! Those are the sandals I want for my birthday.”

The kitten discovers a spidercat skill he didn't know he had, allowing him to stay close to his brother and his mom. ❤️❤️

My sister fosters cats. This is how she found 3 of them this morning.

Bro unlocked a feeling he didn't know existed 🥹

“I’m 40 years old I can’t be dealing with this!” 🤣 I'm dying. you can tell this UPS driver is having the best and worst time all at once. Update on your delivery- “Your package has been delivered under sheer panic and terror from wild turkeys.” 😂😂

He supports them 🥰🧡 IG📹 : minnie_the_rompicats

Curiosity hit max settings immediately. 😂

The owner's cat ran away, and she decided to ask several stray cats if they had seen him. 😂😂 Coincidence or not, her cat soon returned home on his own.

@cecsquared SNL had a short on this! youtube.com/shorts/KhnjFnY…

How does a person even learn they’re good at luge or skeleton

@EODHappyCaptain As someone who is follicularly challenged, let's just say I naturally have regulation hair length on my head. Would someone like me still be billed for a haircut?

Most people are surprised to find out that all the things Soldiers get at basic training are paid for…by the Soldier. That first haircut? Soldier. That pair of running shoes you needed for PT? Soldier. Those terrible brown towels they give you? Soldier. When you first arrive they give you a card with money on it. It’s a cash advance. I have never questioned my choice to join the Army like I did after seeing a two week paycheck for 28 dollars after getting smoked for 14 days. Still turned out to be the best choice I’ve made

Sometimes, the best things in life happen when we least expect them.

Back in the Fall I lost a patient I cared for since training. He became like family over time. And he always recommended food places to me, hole in the wall eateries, and who to ask for and what to get when you go there. Today, I finally followed through with one 😔. I called his son and asked what his dad would recommend to get and without hesitation: “Dr G, get the sauce pizza!” I did and it was amazing. Invest in people!

YOU GUYS 🤣 for $5 the Kansas Humane Society will write your ex's name on a heart and toss it in a litter box and let the cats shit all over it it's a part of the shelter's annual "Love Stinks" campaign fundraiser