allison

At this point, my obituary is simply gonna be like, "she died on far too many a fucking hill."

I've used em-dashes my whole life — they add rhythm and grace to writing. But now they're an AI tell. Can we get a grandfather clause for those of us who were fluent in em-dashes before ChatGPT launched in November 2022?

@TheeIndicaDom And it hits every single time still 🙌

btw if a girl tells you put on a condom and you pretend you have but you actually didn't or you take it off during sex, that's rape, she didn't give consent to unprotected sex. It's called stealthing.

40% of SNAP recipients are kids, 18% are elderly, 11% are disabled and of the rest, ~70% already have jobs. So unless your company’s hiring Junior Juice Box Interns, grandma and her walker, or knows how to fit more hours in a day, maybe cool it with the “just get a job” takes.

What if we gave teachers $50k signing bonuses, $100k salaries, and $60k in student loan forgiveness. You know, the same as ICE gets.

@TheeIndicaDom It pmo so much I turned it off and still haven't gone back, dude.

When you go too long w/o reading fiction it’s easy to like half-acknowledge that you’re cooking your brain a little and brush it off as no big deal but then you pick up a good book again and realize that for all intents and purposes you’ve been a drooling zombie for like 6 months

Not to add to the discourse, but… It’s ‘toe the line,’ not ‘tow the line.’ It’s ‘free rein,’ and not ‘free reign.’ It’s ‘eke out,’ not ‘eek out.’ It’s ‘sleight of hand,’ not ‘slight of hand.’ It's ‘Anchors aweigh,’ and not ‘Anchor's away!’

I'd honestly be thrilled even if MGK played the whole LA album and nothing else. It's that good.

I hate the term "adult adhd" like a neurological difference is just magically activated in adulthood. Nah, ho, you has always been adhd, ffs.

I swear if this @machinegunkelly tour skips Hampton Roads I'm going to be devastated

California Governor Newsom didn't request the National Guard be deployed to his state following peaceful demonstrations. Trump sent them anyway. It's the first time in 60 years a president has made that choice. Trump's goal isn't to keep Californians safe. His goal is to cause chaos, because chaos is good for Trump.

I came out to my mom over the phone and she said "didn't I know that already?" and I said "... no?" and she goes "oh okay. uhhh can we talk about this later?" and I was so confused and 6 years later she told me she was on a ladder painting a house through that whole conversation

We’re like four or five tweets away from national secrets

If I was the President and the whole world was calling me a pedophile, I would release every page of the Epstein files to prove I wasn't in there. Unless I was in there

Spam emails from people pretending to be artists or their teams (this time @KelseaBallerini) always makes me laugh, because duh, but it's much more sad when they pretend you won something 😂😂

That said, my dream inclusions are: I Won't Disagree, Playing With My Heart, Shoot Your Arrow, Free & Wild, Don't Count Me Out, Crooked Road, and Ventura Highway. 🥰

I see @katevoegele on April 2, and as usual, I'm determining what my dream setlist songs are, but like... she could probably sing the alphabet and I'd be ecstatic.

I had to confirm for myself that this is actually an official White House statement. It is.

Where my snowflakes at? #lovearmy #chooselove