Bella Baird

@CDunn1866 B for execution. A- for perversion.

@professorbellab Many churches do indeed smell like a musty Balzac.

So what does God look like to you?

My God is basically Honoré de Balzac.

My God has gamey breath and gout.

@CDunn1866 Do I need to call campus security?

@professorbellab Fair. I might even draw a demented picture in the margins.

I refuse to email. I prefer penmanship. Ink on your fingers is a sign of human effort.

@CDunn1866 So let's compromise. If you think you're going to ambush me tomorrow, then slip a note under my door today.

@professorbellab Apologies for that, but I can't change what I hate…and I hate email.

@CDunn1866 This is exactly how I look, and I'm hurt that you didn't notice.

@professorbellab You look nothing like this in class. I demand a refund.

I tell my students good writers don't describe their characters with much. But today! Today I'm ignoring my own advice to describe myself.

If the freshmen know this is their teacher, they're bound to fill up my Monday morning class, don't you think?

You could say she (meaning me) is the equivalent of a collectible plate mounted on a wall.

@CDunn1866 Hold on now. I'm seeing the doctor a lot these days, and mental syphilis is definitely not on my list of maladies.

@professorbellab Followings don't emerge overnight, so I'd better get used to this petri dish of mental syphilis.

Twitter is for people who are terrified by the idea of solitude. It's cheap haiku for the overly caffeinated.

@CDunn1866 So you're laying the groundwork for your future career?

@professorbellab I'm only here because all writers have to use Twitter if they want to be taken seriously. The publishing moguls demand a platform.

@CDunn1866 Then I'm calling campus security. I can't have "Light Years" intruded upon.

@professorbellab Absolutely not.

I teach literature, but there are some #books I love too much to share with students. I want them all for myself. What are yours?