Professor Lexis

Your mum empties multi packs of quavers into a JD drawstring bag and takes it to raves

How mad are starters? You’re having a dinner, but you warm up by eating another, smaller dinner. Absolute showboating.

@NoContextBrits Cor Blimey

What’s the most British phrase you can think of?

My 14 yo, after weighing in at 98 lb: “When I hit 99, I’m going to eat a pound of nachos and be 1% nacho”

@AndyyMac Looking great brother!

🙌🙌 maybe this can help save this car crash of a year

MPs have had 8 pay rises since 2010, while NHS staff have endured real-terms pay cuts of up to 32%. If you think NHS staff deserve better than this derisory 3% rise (0.6% when inflation considered), RT 💙💙💙

There’s absolutely no way I’d go near a nightclub right now and can’t imagine anywhere less appealing. Nothing to do with Covid, I’m just 44.

@UberEats completed my sign up, account won't let me go online. Please get in touch so I can sort this out. Thank you

@kalifa_cuben !! 👏👏

Shall we up the stakes? If England win 3-0 - I’ll send someone £250. @VibePay do you wanna up the stakes and double this to 500? Must RT this tweet to enter AND be following me & @VibePay … (if they agree)

I chose Dirty Dike so you cunts cant name drop me without looking mental.

WHY do ya come up with a great concept and absolutely butcher the ending, horror movies?

they're all cabbies in the North Giles, for a price

I heard your bird went on a diet for a week n on her cheat day she shagged ya brother

The Teller by @ShottyHorroh is a prime example of rap transcending the usual format, and of an artist renowned for blending genres yet again coming out with something unexpected and fucking brilliantly put together. Big up. Inspiration.

@LunarCFT Tell the world I'm what ya made me

My birthstone is crack cocaine