Chief Martin Brody (parody)

I wanted to remind everyone that if you park blocking Ms. Kintner’s driveway you will be slapped with a fine. #Jaws

I'll go ahead and respond to Elon's email, for what it's worth. I think I'll list everything I did on Tuesday.

Hendricks! I'm glad you're here. I need you to come check out this 908. #Jaws

Amity Middle School is cleaning things out and wanted to know if anyone wanted Alex Kintner's old desk before they threw it out. Free, you just have to come pick it up. #Jaws

Poor bastards. It's too late for them to save August.

Shayden, since Hendricks is always out playing with the police launch, I need a friend to help me keep things safe in Amity. I’m naming you my new Chief Deputy in charge of kindness, because…Amity as you know means friendship. #Jaws #JawsFansStickTogether

@realalescouser @AmityReporter What are you talking about? Look at this. That’s a shark. Look at the outline. Look at the mouth. The eyes.

Larry, I think we can get the people who were glad to swim at the beaches of Long Island to come back. We might be able to save August. #Jaws mol.im/a/12274291

Is it true that most people get attacked by sharks in three feet of water about ten feet from the beach?

Well, it was a beautiful day, the beaches were open and everyone had a wonderful time, but I’m not feeling a lot of “Amity” from Larry right now. #Jaws #4thofJuly

The annual July 4th Amity Regatta has an impressive field this year…..they’re all going to die. #Jaws #4thofJuly

Just a reminder to all Amity lifeguards today - - no whistles, no whistles!!

Meadows, I know you need to sell papers but I can neither confirm nor deny the existence of a shark tooth the size of a shot glass. Now let me do my job! #Jaws #4thofJuly

Happy Fourth of July. Here they come. #Jaws #FourthofJuly

Ellen, your sister is on the phone. She's talking about coming to stay with us for the Fourth. But I'm in the middle of a boating accident, Larry wants me to catch some little paint bastards and my secretary is behind on her printing. #Jaws #FourthofJuly

No, it was only local jurisdiction.

No, that guy handled it a lot better than Hooper would have. Hooper does this...

I think this is the guy who crank calls me every day. #Jaws

I warned Larry to cancel the Ben Gardner Memorial Fishing Rodeo, but he wanted those summer dollars. I'm sure he's going to claim that his kids were on that boat too. #Jaws

You got a pen Larry? Because you're going to do what you do best and put that in writing since you've changed your mind before! Sign it Larry.

Some big fish are taking a bite out of another big fish. #Jaws mol.im/a/12150359