lucky amulet

overheard at work: "i don't care what you want! everyone else does, but i don't!"

@hayleymaya_ @tumblebrutus_ @jkac

@tumblebrutus_ @jkac Bc it was the only color this set came in at Costco where it was ‘on sale’ for this price 🤐

@ROBlNDANGER this is part of why i have so many bumper stickers (mostly though they just make me laugh lol)

is this a safe space to admit I’ve gotten into the wrong black Honda civic, not once, not twice, but thrice since I bought it.

"extremely dry 200 degree turkey" mother, "uses a thermometer when cooking" daughter

the hot button topic at the christmas dinner was: "is 'hallelujah' even worth listening to if it isn't the jeff buckley version?" (i say no)

i got my brother a fleece tracksuit for christmas and my mom, in a super impressed voice, said "wow you look really good! like a drug dealer!"

@MadiOkay @jkac same!

@jkac I do think of this tweet at least once per episode

@im_adam_barrett it's me i'm fuller 😔

The most unbelievable part of Home Alone 2 is Fuller switching from Pepsi (good) to Coca-Cola (bad)

@Kehlee_ @MattEffinTurner it's nice! sweet

@pixieeelocks not very punk rock of them tbh

Not only ableist but just straight up mean!!!

Please do not support this horrifically ableist person.

@alysonkshave i have spent a lot of time in this same wiki

@entmoots people like this often say "copywriting" when they really mean they can spot a typo on a menu 😂

@jkac correct answer

@alysonkshave boyfriend, my friends, and notably...jockstrap?

love etsy emails that are like "wow! great job! you did nothing and also no one saw it! keep it up champ!" 😂

@rose_jlab yes same, it's ADHD over here hahah

@qzar9999 @ask_aubry "i exist, and that should be ENOUGH"

@ask_aubry "I AM RACIST, CONTROLLING, MISOGYNIST, AND I BRING SO LITTLE TO THE TABLE THAT I CAN'T EVEN TALK MYSELF UP. CALL ME!"

Ladies please form a single line, this guy is available!!!

@cigarettegravy one of my personal top ten laugh out loud memes

@natttttyice HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH