Rob Moore 🌈🌈🎮🏃🏻‍♂️👓

My review of an interesting new collection of poetry by a new young poet (based in Cumbria) :) #PoetsCounty @SpooniePoet #DearBody drbpoems.wordpress.com/2018/04/09/dea…

@BantiCoded @ManUtdWomen Park is 6 from 16 so far this season, versus Clintons 1 from 11 at City. It has turned out to be a good move for us

@ManUtdWomen I was actually worried bringing her in for Grace but it turns out to be a big upgrade 🤷‍♂️🤷‍♂️ she’s doing great stuff 👌👌

Jess Park, you are something else ❤️‍🔥

@Snukkems_Art @fesshole He broke into my house and did the same for me, bless him

@fesshole Your dad did that for me too. I think he just does it for everyone who wanders in naked and pukes tbh

I'm 28 and live at home. Came home blocked after a night out with the girls and got undressed. I needed to spew so staggered to bathroom starkers. Spewing woke my Dad who held back my hair and helped me get into my jammies and into bed. Hasn't mentioned it since. Love you Dad. x

@Sooty0909 @MrHarryBerries @todhunter_ralph @ArghhTom @JeremyClarkson @RupertLowe10 Turns out, if you make unfounded accusations or say really horrible things then there are consequences 😆

@Sooty0909 @MrHarryBerries @todhunter_ralph @ArghhTom @JeremyClarkson @RupertLowe10 Joey Barton, there's one. He was arrested and charged and found guilty of sending offensive tweets. An excellent example of why we have laws about online abuse, and suggests why such a large number of people have been investigated

A very honourable statement from President Trump.

@68Langers @fesshole And then jpin Reform?

@fesshole Join the Tory party. They're great at avoiding tax

Can't afford to pay my income tax. HMRC won't take the excuse that it's gone on better causes: feeding the family and paying rent. House is still cold though.

@SardaranCarol I went out and bought her books, and, yes, they a bit brutal in parts but they rattled past my eyes in no time

Give her the case files she'll have The Zodiac, Amelia Earhart and Maddie by Easter. #TheTraitorsUK #TheTraitors

@anon_opin Some churches will decline, some churches will thrive. Just the way things go.

I seriously wonder how churches plan to survive the next 20 years. Virtually every regular these days is above retirement age. How do they plan to stay open once the current crowd dies off?

@PurrsMusic87 @wokeandwoofing @JeremyClarkson "Mud" 😆😆😆😆

@PurrsMusic87 @wokeandwoofing @JeremyClarkson I literally didn't leave the house for three years in the mud 00s "just in case" and the git never even came to the uk.

Whoa. People are saying I think that Traitors is faked. What I actually said is that I bow down in awe to the people who edit it.

@wokeandwoofing @JeremyClarkson And have you noticed how District 2 (aka Weymouth) has had extra rations since the "outcome" ?

@JeremyClarkson It's all staged. Am I really supposed to believe all those celebrities just so happened to be visiting that mansion at the exact same time? And a camera crew just so happened to be there as well? This whole thing was definitely arranged in advance.

@JudgeySan @fesshole A scatter graph? Or a splatter graph even??

@fesshole Plot a graph. Then colour it in.

I have an old iPad which I only use for, ahem, alone time. It has started giving me the average screen time which means I now know, on average, how long my wanks are. I don't know what to do with this information.

i miss them already #CelebrityTraitors

@Jonny_Mc06 Its good that some things in life are predictable though. There's no way that this will be straight forward for us 😂

That’s now just 1 defeat in 8. Next game is against a team two leagues below who’ve lost their last 2 and conceded 10 in their last 3. What could go wrong?

@fesshole Random true fact, I was once electrocuted by some dentastix

Caught my stepdaughter's toddler eating my dog's dentastix and I've now started letting him have one at the same time as the dog when we're babysitting. Much easier than getting the shithouse to brush his teeth.

@Claire33Claire @FarazPervaiz3 Oh no! I've got nine preaching engagements over the next three months and you're saying that every single one of those churches is or has been on fire?? We did have a nasty incident with the Christingle oranges when we left them too close to the fire once, but that's about it...

@FarazPervaiz3 Why is every single Christian church being set on fire, and not one word of condemnation

SHOCKING 🇬🇧UK: St Marks, West London, a historic church, went up in flames, completely destroyed. St Mark’s, a grade II Victorian church built in 1846–47 Why is it vital to stop Islamist jihadis in England?

@fesshole When you say "ate", do you mean "shoved it up your arse"?

I ate a Peperami not knowing the sleeve around it wasn't edible, I pulled the sleeve out my arse in the shower a couple days later

@BarryHavenhand @floboflo Building works on the side of the road away from the mural iirc

@robmoore1970 @floboflo So what's going on with the fence there?

Well done to all concerned for turning England into a 1970s Northern Ireland tribute act.

@BarryHavenhand @floboflo I was literally there today....

@floboflo Not sure about the 1970s, this is 2025

@fesshole Laa-Laa?

My wife found a folder on our computer where I'd been storing all my wank bank material. In amongst the softcore porn were pictures of [name deleted to spare her embarrassment]. My wife was Not Happy. Twenty years on I cringe any time she appears on TV and we're both watching.

@fesshole After your first thoery failed, did you experiment with licking other bits? How long did the judge give you?

Most children learn where their body ends and the rest of the world begins before they can walk. But I believed I could taste what a boy had eaten by licking his tongue in nursery school. I was wrong.