🌽🤡💶

I’m being kinda mean, but she messed with my family. Fuck that bitch, I hope her kids are ugly.

Potato baby update: Every picture of the father is worse, he’s a weird lumpy potato they couldn’t sell in a grocery store.

My brother’s awful ex had twins with a guy that looks like a potato. Of course they gave the babies stupid, rhyming names. So glad my nephew is a golden-doodle.

(My bonus-nephews are human children and cute af)

The new Cyber Truck looks like it was designed in Inventor by someone that isn’t very good at solid modeling.

@katiejoyofosho There was a laundry soap commercial about not having dingy underwear at the ER

I keep messing up on Duolingo by mixing up the English words and reading them backwards. Most recent was “your” vs “very”

🎶 You got a fast car, I got a plan to run in front of it 🎶

Show some damn respect for our boys in green 🫡

My neighbor is teaching her brother how to ride a bike and he looks so excited. 🥰

Forwarding esoteric emails to 1800 people doesn’t make anyone want to use Yammer. It just confuses the Australians.

@MicrosoftViva please please please stop forwarding random emails to my entire company. Your marketing strategy is even worse than the product.

In order to drive engagement(?), @MicrosoftViva forwarded a random email to my entire fucking company. People are messaging me from other countries asking what’s going on.

Computers were a mistake

An email I sent on Monday has somehow been automatically forwarded to my entire company. My whole day is going to be responding to people that I fucked up but am not a phishing scam.

in the future, the "gender" section on ID cards will be marked with a small illustration for 1 of 3 options: - cartoon dog (female) - cartoon dog with eyelashes and a pink bow (male) - Douglas (nonbinary)

The street sweeper picked up the leaves instead of blowing them back up on the sidewalk!! This is the exciting city life I dreamed of as a child.

@MothraMissWorld Potato chips get sorted by size, all the really big ones go into party-sized bags.