ayms

my mom ltrlly counting days to see me n then being pissed off the second i come home? ICONIC AND CHIĆ

about to get a big chop and it’s not from a guillotine who woulda thunkkk

you mad weird for not letting me merge

the sitter bill is insane. i am literally giving u permission to hang out with the coolest dude ever actually u should be paying me

i yearn for the evening post-work smoke on my balcony the way white men yearn for japan

Explain in genius terms. Explain like I already know everything

the issue is that i can be going thru mad psychosis but my work outfit gotta eat

heavy is the hand that adds da garlic

another mother's day where my cats didn't get me SHIT

men are losers even in their own fantasies

we’ll burn that bridge when we get to it

beautiful cigarette on an empty stomach i’m gonna live foreverrrr

(flirting) what’s your favorite maritime disaster

ooo my steak too juicy

i talk sum big shit for somebody whose actions unfortunately align perfectly with their words

i still don’t understand why they named it GoDaddy

@vaIarazorr they scared ov me

@sadisticvader u scared of the bombs miss

u glow different after u buy a ticket to go home

what yall call "princess treatment" is something i’d do for a stranger on a random saturday

not now kitten mommy’s gotta make her btchass colleague wish he were never born