Brianna Bond

@aarondfrancis @markjaquith Wife Collective Bargaining rep here to say we’re prepared to offer five “free” finding-of-obviously-placed-items if Husbands will agree to admit it’s cool that Wives can pick the exact right Tupperware size every time

@markjaquith we're also really good at guessing how much things weigh, which never impresses them for some reason

When I ask my wife where the ketchup is (it's in the same place it always is)

@helenhousandi Helen if I have to clean this out of your closet with you in 7 years I’m going to physically harm you

!!!!!!!!!!

@Weissy53 This one hurts

My dear spouse, three beers deep while we’re at a sports bar and some nerd shit is just announced: “NO LIKE THIS IS HUGE. IT’S DOCKER FOR MAC.”

I’m so damn stressed man

@markjaquith Markus.

my dumb domain purchasing instinct is DirectionallyVeryBad.com

@drollpatrol Incredibly brave take

I miss 3D Doritos I said what I said

@markjaquith Gosh darn I need to up my delegation game. Touché.

@sarcasmically Sounds like a plant concern

There’s just no way to tell your wife that the three hours you spent walking around the house and patio on a Saturday measuring and tweaking RSSI cutoffs and broadcast power for three access points to improve roaming handoff and overall Wi-Fi experience was real work.

Invited dev husband to new repo in GH for house projects. LOL he's toast. Don't know why it took me ten years to figure this out. +Issue +Issue +Issue

@markjaquith Please ma’am. My horses are very sweaty

I wonder if this misdelivery means that somewhere else in town there is a very lonely woman holding a horse stall fan bracket and considering her options

Adult daughter comes over to watch hockey. There was a mail delivery. Package addressed to my wife. She says it’s a bracket for horse stall fans. Daughter opens it. It’s an exquisitely engineered purple sex toy. Bedlam ensues. No idea what is going on.

@aarondfrancis I know my home state when I see it. Can’t believe you are getting hoodie weather! Enjoy. 🫶

Anybody release anything this week? Wouldn't know, vacationmaxxing

@markjaquith @jonathandoomer MARK but you’re right

@jonathandoomer Delete this before my daughter tries to date him

sam altman

@vidluther I don’t in person, but if he wants named advertising online he’s going to have to pay for it

@sarcasmically Hmmm do you call him Spouse? I'm going to try that with mine. I call my daughter Daughter, and she calls me Father .. could be a family thing.

Spouse and I pulled up to a restaurant. I saw our adult daughter’s car in the parking lot. I said “let’s pretend to not see her so she can decide if she wants to say hi or not; I’m not trying to interrupt her night.” I got out the car and she was already running at me through the parking lot screaming MAMAAAAAA *while* FaceTiming me. 🥹🥹🥰🥰

@rockysgrace Do I have your permission to save this image and text it to my husband Mark anytime he pmo? Thanks for your consideration.

Quick little rocky sketch of a thought i had.

@heatdaddy69420 If you’re not on the Shoresy writing team already, we’ve got to fix that

There is nothing worse than chin getting stapled like a homework packet and your gear goes full yard sale like that. That was chin crunching.

I’m pretty proud of myself because two years ago I was mortified of snakes. But I forced myself to learn lots about them as exposure therapy. And today I found a sick pet ball python dumped in the woods, and picked him up and got him to a rehabber.

@ChrisField Churn them legs!

I'm $15 short of my goal, can anyone help me get over the goal line? I'm raising money for the Philly Spin-In to support Children's Hospital of Philadelphia. 9 yrs ago they performed heart surgery to save my daughter's life. Donate here miraclemarks.org

Ready to battle as a Bolt once again.