rube goldberg MAID machine

@vagueviolet i mean, when they need to look dawg like maybe you can draw a little blood with an unused sterile needle or something but that might be the limit

@shittyprogram people can adjust to a lot

Can a fat, chopped, busted, lecherous, lazy, spiteful, ungrateful, narcissistic, snippy, contemptuous, avaricious, xenophobic, unwelcoming, unfunny and witless, […], unbelieving, chud unc truly be saved?

@vagueviolet but i’m used to being able to feel and use them so it’d probably be uncomfortable to lose that

@shittyprogram you won’t be able to feel them after long enough ergo not uncomfortable

@vagueviolet that sounds uncomfortable ?

@shittyprogram maybe we should freeze your arms

@qsdnl I mean we just lack the faculties for processing pheromones (sweaty tshirt test / mhc-2 signalling are truly just smell based) so it’s probably that the best we’ll ever get is increasing blood flow, lubrication and stuff like that

how do we still not have any good drugs to make you horny what are we doing you guys gotta get milking more reptiles

@vagueviolet i’m not really good with sharp stuff

@shittyprogram then can i vivisect u instead

@vagueviolet not particularly

@shittyprogram ur the top don’t u want to use those muscles of yours

@vagueviolet seems like a hassle

@shittyprogram y not

@vagueviolet no

@shittyprogram u should cheat on your gf with me

@visualbasic97 maybe they know the meat counter guy is visualbasic97 and wanted to see how long it took to get tweeted about feels like something i would do

i work the meat counter on the weekends at the grocery store and every sunday night for months now this couple comes in and they ask for salmon and then proceed to kiss in front of me. every time. have they cucked me? are they getting off on this

starting to wonder why i’m going to mass jf i’m pretty sure i don’t believe and thus shouldn’t be receiving the eucharist anyways, as it would be unworthily. going has been really nice, despite this mounting feeling that im just larping, essentially but i want to keep going

made the mistake of doing some reading on this and i feel like a stupid chud for going up and receiving blessings even though the church i did so at says you “may” the priest even visibly stumbled today because he’d already picked up a water

@bigboybokchoy sure but i think women’s versions of the same garment tend to run more

@shittyprogram tbh I have no idea how much a trip to Sephora costs but hot guys should be dressing well too

Friend hypothesized that being a hot girl is more expensive than being a hot guy. It's a tempting statement, but I don't think it's true. Hot guy physiques are expensive to maintain. Probably need to eat 1.5-2X as much as a woman, and protein is expensive

@bigboybokchoy i dunno man they’ll walk into a sephora and drop 300-500 dollars then order a 200 dollar pair of jeans

@shittyprogram Well yeah that was her point. But I think the extra food costs of being a guy could roughly balance that out

i’ve been to mass at least 7 times in recent times but haven’t taken communion. mostly because i haven’t confessed in a long time; i’m apprehensive to do even that Mc Land Sea and Air

@beaniebbl drunk tweets are sober drafts

i won’t drunk tweet but i want to #respectful

i’m ni- i’m wiggas

all drake songs just be like “she was late for school i don’t mean university dropped her off in the bus lane left her panties in my car seat drove through young and dundas yeah she paid presto i don’t mean the bus pass”

@big__chung i’ve heard nothing but terrible things

@shittyprogram i want people to play this romhack called "pokemon run and bun" so they suffer as much as i did.

i want friends that will listen to me so i can have them play horrible games and see them suffer.