Cam Godfrey

i just turned into a car and boy are my arms tires

they should let you block yourself from other people’s phones like banning yourself from the casino

Due to inflation the funny numbers are now 71.41 and 434.7

this is bye sister for white supremacists

it’s me. i’m the bi girl bringing all the straight boyfriends to pride. please stop the discourse. me and my reverse harem do not mean you any harm

They always talk about college educated voters vs non-college educated voters but as someone with a degree in musical theater what about the college non-educated voter?????

Pink Pony Club is a perfect “I Want” song

today my mom called baby colin robinson “young sheldon”

@Williesillie2 not even the best Steven Strait movie of all time. But yes, second best movie of all time

@spamgodfrey The best movie ever made?

Now watching

I don’t have parasocial relationships. These internet creators who don’t know me are my real friends.

@Williesillie2 I did this once in high school and the reply I sent was like “why is there no casual word for ‘vagina’ like that’s so formal but pussy and cunt are so vulgar”

My greatest fear is not realizing I'm in someone's replies and responding something like "I'm glad my dog doesn't have an iPhone because he gets his poops done very efficiently" to something totally unrelated that a stranger said

ME: I don’t think a Muppet “West Side Story” works because it would start to assign race/class value to the different types of Muppets, and that doesn’t at all align with their established worldview THERAPIST: ok so like I said we’re gonna up your dosage

No you just need to find one bra that fits normal

honestly? a perfect comic.

@Williesillie2 i’m 38 now

Turning 30 isn't hard. Watching people you think of as younger than you turn 30 is though

mommy-to-be here with a question for other parents: when do you first tell the baby about when john travolta said adele dazeem?

I have no issue with age gap relationships as long as the old one is hot

the standup that men do lives after them; the improv is oft interred with their bones

I actually think SNL has a huge responsibility to stop you guys from calling them skits