sarah marinara

Man no one even remembers laptop in bed. It was laptop in bed for years. Now it's just phone in bed. Maybe tablet. But usually phone. So much has changed.

Only two people have ever truly understood me and both of them don’t like me

i know i’ve watched Vanilla Sky too many times because i can’t listen to Good Vibrations without feeling like something bad is about to happen

what a lady, what a night!

just got mad at steve cause he paused and said “from the yeah yeah yeahs” to me after saying karen o. like dude cmon i know that!! don’t insult me like that

there is something that truly nourishes the soul about sitting around and watching boys play tony hawk pro skater 2

@hlyuph OR are we just hot and irresistible?? to almost everyone around us?? its gotta be that one

@spittingwhys They just get bonuses for flirting there because when I tell you about the sexual tension I have with every employee….

its Hot Guy Day at trader joes, everyone hurry and get down here

the guy stocking the tomatoes seriously looks like a fucking model 😭 i felt like such a dork when he smiled at me and told me to take my time

ugh not a heavily tattooed italian stranger and his mom randomly telling me the shoes i’m trying on are “so cute, so sexy, so betty boop” now i have to get them 😩

june jordan

wowwww i’m literally dirk diggler except with huge boobs instead of a huge dick

Summer is gonna feel like this 👏

its so tough being such a passionate beautiful busty italian woman in this cold dark world

It’s for the look - I don’t light it

gettin’ ciggy with it nah nah nah nah nah nah nah

The feelings I have for tom cruise are the closest approximation I have of what patriotism must feel like.

the conveyor belt at the dick sucking factory broke today and i was stuck blowing some losers hose for like 2 hours before it got running again