Douglas Kennedy

@otokyo Aman.

Everyone got paused here 🤗 What is the man's name??

@Matt_Pinner It’s a shin scraper!!!

I said it’s a cheese grater, but it’s not. Any guess?!?!

@Sahrish1278 96

What is the number..? Only 1% will succeed

@Dussyme 14

I see 10 cats and you? Be honest

@fesshole IZAL

1993, I complained to my mum about the rough tracing paper bog roll at school. To remedy this, she gave me some from home to take in my pocket. Unsure of whether I could flush 'home' loo roll at school, I stuffed the soiled tissues into my pockets and took them home. Sorry Mum.

@fesshole Excellent!

I purposely bought a radio without a volume knob at a car boot sale so I could tell the wife 'they offered it to me for only a fiver, I couldn't turn it down'. She didn't get it. It's in the bin.

@Mishi_2210 The Beatles

What does your country have ? 🤔

@Aliya562219 15

How many dots do you see!?

@JohnDonoghue64 Excellent!!

Get yourself down to M&S fast before they sell out! This isn’t just any old nan, it’s an M&S nan!

@JohnBishop100 Brilliant but so unobtrusive to you. Well done him!

A man around my age just handed me this message on a napkin in a cafe in Palmerston North in New Zealand. Men aren't always great at communicating but sometimes they nail it. He just made my day and it's only 8am. Thanks brother 😊🙏

@richarddanbury @fesshole Do you know what it is called?

Not my fess, its my Grandad's. He used to work at the BBC in the 70s, he stole a bunch of film reels when they were getting thrown out. He refuses to donate them as he's scared he'll get locked up if he does.

@fesshole Some new pumps let you put in an amount and not go over! Most pumps in France are card only!

I once nearly got arrested because I wouldn't pay the penny i was over on the £60 I had just put in at the petrol station. So now i still go there but deliberatly stop 1p short so they have to give me a penny. I know I'm not winning but the pettiness sustains me.

@fesshole My Big Ego!!

Reluctantly accepted and MBE for work my company did because you got a nice meal and stuff for going. But now I'm expected to have it on my email footer and it's really embarrassing.

@ipattorneyliza All that security!! For what??

He's on Big Ben with a Palestinian flag, right now

@EastAfricanSC Looks amazing!

Ghalib Hajee nursing his #porsche through stage 1 🎥 . Breathtaking landscapes everywhere in #Edoret 👌🏽 . #eastafricanminiclassic #homeofchampions #kenya

@lily_dunlop Balaclava

Why am I crying at this lad with a JD bag on his head as a Bally 🥲🥲😂😂😂

@AnnCleeves Great place, we are just back from Reykjavik. Please go and see the Lava show. It’s truly amazing. Am sure you incorporate it into a story.

This will be fun! Vera in Iceland!

@eddireader Love you singing Robert Burns songs.

Goodbye to London - 22 years ago I left you … broken hearted and lost… Robert Burns and My John brought me home. Today… I’ve healed old grievances and tried to understand them t’was all for the expansion, awakening, and returning to love. Cheers 2 those who taught me the most

@fesshole I move them around to check for broken ones! Doesn’t everyone??

I have precisely ZERO idea what people are doing when they inspect inside their egg boxes at the supermarket. But for 20 odd years I've dutifully opened the box, nodded appreciatively, and then put my eggs in the trolley without the faintest idea what the hell I'm doing or why.

@Lenniesaurus Very clever, should make parents think and protect their daughters.