Nigel Small

@sarahwooders brb reverse engineering a markdown file

The Pentagon has burned through so many missiles in the Iran exchange that Trump is dragging Lockheed and Raytheon CEOs into the White House like a failing factory boss demanding overtime. The military admits the Iran strike consumed more long-range munitions than 4 years of Ukraine. Trump is posting fantasies about “unlimited supply” while Raytheon can barely promise to “eventually” reach 1,000 Tomahawks a year and the Pentagon only budgeted 57 for 2026. The industrial base is so hollowed out they’re threatening contractors with punishment if they don’t ramp up, even though the system physically can’t produce at wartime tempo. America just showed the world that one regional confrontation with Iran drained decades of planning assumptions.

"Welcome to the Board of Peace, gentlemen."

The company hired me to lead their "Agile Transformation." I don't know what Agile means. Nobody does. That's why it works. I make $425,000 a year. To move sticky notes. From left to right. On a board. The board is digital now. The sticky notes cost $80,000 in Jira licenses. Progress. Day one, I said "we need to break down silos." Everyone nodded. Silos are bad. I don't know why. But destroying them is a career. My career. I introduced "squads." Squads are teams. But disrupted. We disrupted the teams into teams. Different names. Same people. Same problems. But Agile problems now. Agile problems are strategic. A senior engineer asked what we're actually changing. I said, "The mindset." He asked what that means. I said, "It's a journey." He asked where we're going. I said, "Toward agility." He asked what agility means. I pointed at the sticky notes. They were moving left to right. That's velocity. We have velocity now. The VP of Engineering said two-week sprints don't fit their work. I said, "That's waterfall thinking." Waterfall is bad. Like silos. I don't know what waterfall is. But I know it's bad. She stopped talking. Waterfall accusations end conversations. We had a retrospective. In the retro, we discussed what went wrong. Everything went wrong. We put it on sticky notes. Then we moved the sticky notes. Into a column called "Parking Lot." The Parking Lot is where problems go to die. It's full. We don't look at it. That's agile. Velocity is up 40%. I defined velocity. I also defined the points. I also defined the stories. We're crushing it. At the things I made up. To measure. Ourselves. The CEO asked for ROI. I showed a chart. The chart went up. Charts should go up. This one did. I didn't label the Y-axis. Nobody asked. Leadership is confidence. We do standups now. Every day. We stand. For 45 minutes. Standing is agile. Sitting is waterfall. My legs hurt. But we're transforming. The transformation is now "Phase 3." Phase 1 was assessment. Phase 2 was implementation. Phase 3 is "continuous improvement." Continuous means forever. Forever means job security. I'm very secure. My contract was extended. Three more years. For "cultural impact." The culture is confused. But impacted. Agile transformation isn't about being agile. It's about transforming. Continuously. Toward more transformation. The destination is the journey. The journey is billable.

Demand for Guild Wars Reforged blew past our projections, causing long downloads for some non-Steam players. We’re adding servers & exploring new options to fix this before the weekend. Thanks for your patience!

@SkechersSpain Hola Skechers, el dueño de la tienda "Variety Fuerteventura" en Morro del Jable parece tener la costumbre de gritar y tirar los zapatos a sus clientes. ¿Estás seguro de que quieres que una persona como esta represente tu marca? Solo mira las reseñas de Google.

@JudSawyer That, and it's just bad error handling. Uninformative and unhelpful. Wrong on so many levels.

@JudSawyer One can only assume he likes oxtail soup for breakfast.

@JudSawyer From a distance of one stairmaster away? I assume you didn't go along the row, sniffing everyone in turn? If so, that's potent beef levels.

@rbramley I knew you were a dodgy driver.

@technige I've just received that one too... Oh no, guess I'd better pay up 🫣

@Reuters I literally can't process the triple or quadruple negatives in this to work out what's going on.

Second US judge blocks FTC ban on worker 'noncompete' agreements reut.rs/3M87oa8

@rotnroll666 @ManningBooks @gunnarmorling @pramodsadalage @giswqs @jrdntgn @markhneedham @mesirii Oh, I love DuckDB. I didn't know you three had done this. Now I need to get a copy.

@angrypiln Not sure I fancy a viral hotdog.

@RogerQuimbly How many criminal convictions are considered too many when running for president?

@Redpeter99 More of a puddle.

The pool of talent within the Tory MPs is not deep.

@shayla__love This is me too. And, similarly, I only found out recently that I was different in this way. But it explains a lot for me, and why I've struggled to do things other people seem to find easy.

I wrote about what it’s like inside of my mind: dark, but full of feelings theguardian.com/wellness/2024/…

@Matt_Pinner @brockpierson Considerably older than that.

You may be old but, are you this old??

@bluxte @PredragGruevski :(

@PredragGruevski And deaths too. I've read reports of failing OR equipment during a heart surgery...

The cost of this outage is billions of USD. The only question is: $​X billion, $X0 billion, or $X00 billion.