Terri

Hell hath no fury like a sports bra being applied to a just showered but not 100% dry body.

One day, my son, all this will be yours *sweeping gesture at forgotten potatoes sprouting on the counter*

Just remember, ALL of you are the people who keep Twitter employees employed.

I'm 'what's the point of lying about my age now' years old

@kristabellerina @Lifeofstelynn 😡

Another day, another dollar for the company that sold my email address to a third party.

So yeah, I’m not above arguing with artificial intelligence. Since I’m a real person, I feel I can offer valuable intelligence.

Only thing I've seen us united on is still calling this place Twitter

Took the kids to Build a Bear for the first time and now I need to build a second mortgage

Had a nap after work and now you can't sleep is the adult equivalent of "don't eat that now it'll ruin your appetite"

ME: The anime is a lot harder to follow than the manga. ROOMMATE: You're not supposed to watch it backwards.

Wondering when my husband's gene where he hates crowds as much as me will kick in, so he'll stop suggesting we go to IKEA or Costco during the weekend.

I don’t know what IYKYK means

I really relate to that song “Never wake me up before you go go.”

Decals on the window haven’t deterred.

Kudos for consistency to the kamikaze robin conducting maneuvers for the third consecutive morning into my dining room window.

Myers-Briggs is business astrology

When I was a kid, being out in public in your pajamas meant your house was on fire.

I'm not saying I'm old, I'm just saying I went out for the first time in a while and spent most of my time admiring the unique sinks in the bathrooms and being shocked that drinks are now $17

@terrip38 There won’t be enough left to bake

A package of cookie dough was marked safe to eat raw which makes one wonder how those cookies will be baked.

Welcome to X, formerly known as Twitter, where we still call it Twitter. We’ve been expecting you.