randy butternubs

tabasco

Saw a guy with a visible boner through his very tight ribbed skinny jeans drop his phone, reach down to pick it up, audibly fart, and then his hat fell off his head revealing he was bald

@poppunksucks My favorite so far has been the “how much is a tattoo” with absolutely no details

Working at a tattoo shop will really have you realizing the average human is a lot dumber than you would think

i don’t have a praise kink so much as i have a “confirmation that im not in trouble” kink and praise just happens to be direct confirmation that im not in trouble and nothing bad is going to happen

Cassadee Pope will never be country to me as long as Hey Monday lives in my heart

Errrrmmm… 1 ticket to FUCK ISLAND please

I used to hate the Minions but as time has passed i’ve come to respect and even love them

Wondering how the diva on the street who gave me $50 to use my phone to call apple yesterday is doing. Her appointment was an hour ago. I hope she got her phone fixed so she can watch the World Cup

on my way to fucking GET YOU

Another work mirror selfie <3

I made nandor laszlo and Nadja on tomodachi life and laszlo fell in love with nandor

I’m sick and my bf offered to carry me to my bed and then he had to leave but he’s gonna come back to bring me Gatorade and sprite and I want to cry being loved is so crazy

Google search when does a bush stop being a fidget toy

Running down the stairs with my phone in my hand trying to decide whether to cover my boobs or my bush sorry neighbors

I should really rethink my life when I’m crying to customer service

Banks are evil

Mind you I got paid yesterday and it’s suddenly nowhere to be found even though I worked for a huge corporation :)

Went to @truist yesterday to close my account. they said I had to wait which was fine until I woke up with -$68 in my account because suddenly the money that was in my account isn’t there and then spent 50 minutes on the phone for them to tell me there’s nothing I can do