trish

i think saying things along the lines of "if you've lost a bunch of friends you must be the problem" or "if you think you're surrounded by evil or bad people maybe it's just you" is a profoundly cruel, near evil, thing to say that i find mind-boggling coming from spiritual people who otherwise preach understanding i feel like you could only believe a notion like this is the case for most people if you've never really spent a lot of time really listening to people or their experiences, more time theorizing about them and psychoanalyzing them than commenting or connecting so arrogant you trust the roles you've written for other people more than what they have opened up to tell you i have met countless people who are otherwise lovely who are surrounded by bad people because trauma either makes that familiar for them or because they haven't figured out that they can be lovely and also say no and have boundaries like if that is not a common thing for you to hear from people, if that doesn't easily come up as a counter-example for you when you insist on these thoughts, i don't think you're as empathetic as you think you are, or you are but you're surrounded by people saying these things and you think they're better or smarter than you so if enough people you respect say it you feel like you have to as well, which, guess what: is a lack of boundaries proving your own point that you're only being so judgmental of people having bad boundaries because you do too stop telling everyone else that they're ignoring everyone being their mirror, you're not even looking at your own when it's presented to you said with love

one unconscious bad habit i picked up from my maternal side of the family is secretly believing i will be punished or made the fool if i'm "too happy" or feel "too optimistic", and my mom and aunt both claim it's due to generations of german catholicism

The reward for being kind is not that people will like you or will do things for you, but rather the reward is that you get to be kind.

Our media ecosystem is designed for us to constantly be assessing each others' value in a socially competitive sense. I am bad at breaking free from this paradigm, but when I do, I find myself to be much happier.

robust confidence is less about "i got the results I want" and more about "I showed up in the way I wanted to" to put it another way: immature confidence is about the avoidance of suffering ("I'm confident because I never get rejected") whereas mature confidence is about staying true in the face of suffering ("I'm confident because even if I get rejected, I know I'll keep trying")

#海の日

the "I need to make sure everyone is okay" child feels they cannot trust other people's emotional capacities (usually for good reason) so if they are "too much" they'll be abandoned or rejected but then any emotional expression gets labelled "too much", and they grit their teeth through life unfortunately, escaping this complex means facing their worst fear: being too much, being emotionally out of control, admitting they are NOT okay when they don't yet fully trust that other people can handle that truth but only through that do they discover that other people can handle their not-okayness, or if they can't, it's not the end of the world. basically, they need to learn that they are an adult who is okay being not-okay, which is quite hard to do!

@BeTraumaFree i still had to work thru avoidance sharing conflicting thoughts with you the other day, and i didn't even disagree with you personally! 😅 i was only able to do that because what you've shared and said made me feel comfortable enough to do so 🩷

@BeTraumaFree i've been through both extremes of this and being able to disagree with loved ones who DO know how to emotionally regulate and not be manipulative has helped a lot, it's still not easy but it's not nearly as hard or stressful as it used to be

The older I get, the less I like arguing. Actually, I've always been conflict-avoidant for as long as I can remember, but now, after a lot of trauma therapy, I guess I'm still conflict-avoidant because I choose to not get dragged into arguments.

time is already very funny but it feels so different now that i've stopped smoking, i thought fifteen minutes passed since i did something and it was only three oh!!!

I didn’t watch the World Cup halftime show so I can imagine anything. Reality doesn’t affect me. They brought out Tinashe to do Perfect Crime four times in a row

@michelleakin YES, i feel this so much!! i've been thinking abt how the most uncomfortable i ever feel interpersonally is when someone is not only withholding but has this attitude of like "you need to IMPRESS me first, ENTERTAIN me", which is now NOT gonna happen 😭

I am very self-disclosive by nature so when I meet someone who isn’t, things get out of balance really quickly. that or I have to pull teeth to keep it even(ish) and it becomes tiresome

there’s always balance necessary, but on the whole, I prefer spending time with people who are self-disclosive I hate feeling like I have to interview someone just to learn simple things about them. like offer me a story, go ahead, I won’t bite

posting so i can laugh to keep from crying but i might cry too! that's allowed!!!!!

wow, i've had such a good day and now i feel Horrible for no reason, and just to top it off, some weird troll man with misogynistic, gross memes followed me out of nowhere, as seems to happen biannually, and this one was followed by john cena! great!!!!!

i'm taking a very long time to watch it but this really is an incredibly beautiful bit of television, despite my Sufferings

at least whatever lestat has going on is KIND of fun.... ha....... haha 🙃

about 30 minutes in to the new vampire lestat and honestly i am not even having a little bit of fun, really just having a very bad time

nah but fr, i'm happy, and this bitterness will pass, and honestly, the whole time i knew her, she was really self-hating and unhappy, i honestly hope she learns to be happy and like herself, and i am more than okay with it being away from me

i used to be afraid of talking about her on here because she used to be meaner than me and i was afraid of her seeing and being cruel, in fact, she used to tell me to be "more mean", but i'm 31, wanna find out how mean i can be now? 🥴 lol jk.. unless.....

you ever just almost pass out from heat exhaustion so your bestie can make out with the guy who makes viral slenderman videos?????? well I DID

OH, and i can never forget the time i went to a film festival with her so she could see a famous youtuber she had a thing with, and she left me in a car outside a house for two hours in the heat like a mistreated dog so she could make out with him lmao

anyway, idk, i realized in a lot of ways that she was never a good friend and that this is a good thing she only became my friend so she could cheat off me in french class, she really told me that lmao, so that says a lot abt how lil i used to respect myself

i was feeling Really Bad last night thinking about my ex-BFF from college and how i knew she wasn't really my friend anymore when i found out she got married from my MOM seeing her pics on fb not being a bridesmaid would ALREADY be shocking, but not invited?