BeTraumaFree
24.1K posts
@BeTraumaFree
This is where I document my recovery from complex trauma. How did I do it? Therapy with a licensed trauma therapist for 5 years. (IFS and EMDR).
In order to become a better person, you must first realize how horrible you really are. Not in the dramatic sense, but in the quiet ways you sabotage yourself, repeat unhealthy patterns, hurt people who care about you, or tolerate what wounds you. You cannot grow if you keep pretending you're innocent in the story you've created.
Another name for this is Jungian shadow work. The reason why people avoid shadow work is because digging into the disowned muck inside you stirs up excruciating shame. And its very hard to deal with shame without loving support.
In order to become a better person, you must first realize how horrible you really are. Not in the dramatic sense, but in the quiet ways you sabotage yourself, repeat unhealthy patterns, hurt people who care about you, or tolerate what wounds you. You cannot grow if you keep pretending you're innocent in the story you've created.
Twenty years ago this week, I moved here because I believed I was building a life with the man I loved. Instead, I spent 12 years in an abusive marriage. While we had four amazing children, for their sake I decided to leave and we divorced. And because we have children together, I didn’t get to leave and start over somewhere else close to my own family. I stayed. Twenty years later, I’m still here. Young people, hear me when I say this: The person you choose to marry will have more influence over your life than almost any other decision you make. Choose wrong, and it can cost you decades. It can cost you your peace. It can cost you your mental health which in turn affects your physical health. It can determine where you live, who you see, what opportunities you give up, and how much of your life is spent trying to recover. Children make those ties even stronger. Co-parenting means that even after the marriage ends, the relationship doesn’t simply disappear. You may still have years of shared responsibilities, court orders, schedules, and unavoidable contact. Stop treating marriage like it’s based on feelings. Vet people. Watch how they handle conflict. Watch how they communicate with you and with others. Watch how they treat you and others. Watch for dishonesty, manipulation, cruelty, and betrayal. Believe patterns and never promises. I can’t get those twenty years back. If my story keeps even one person from ignoring serious red flags before marriage and children, then at least something good came from my experience.
@bluewdrift @SanPants Healing and growth are about facing the truths within.
