ADAM

Sick of recipes asking for exotic ingredients like “fresh mint”. I live in Salford. The milks not even fresh 🤬

Don’t you hate when you’re watching a film & they add shitty sound effects to punches & kicks??? From top directors as well. Infuriating. What is it, TEKKEN 2?

Jimmy Carr is scared of cancel culture cancelling him & his act. One person joked about his hairline & he got a hair transplant 😂 😂 @jimmycarr

Freshly poured coffee. Look inside the mug. Blow. Keep eyes wide open. Let the caffeine steam go into your eyeballs. Wakes you up!

People in the UK- Have you got a gun in your pocket or are you just happy to see me? 😈 People in America- Have you got a gun in your pocket?

If it wasn’t for white bread and toast for the last 5 days I would’ve had about 100 calories

I’m a pessimistic introvert. You’re an optimistic extrovert 🤮

Waiting for either of these two @GaryLineker tweets- *Billy Gilmour scores* Gary- “Happy Gilmour” *Billy Gilmour misses a sitter* Gary- Billy MADison

@faybrady It would be an honour to experience it

@faybrady Your dad is so cool

@faybrady And Em obvs

@faybrady Hahaha mood af

@WillVillaScore Yeah I’m waiting til the presser tomorrow to see if they say he’s deffo out. You had a good week last week 💪👏

@tomkowdactyl Not a bad shout but not sure how long DCL is out for, everything was all going so perfect until last night Ahaha

Calvert Lewin limps off, I really hate this game

Wish I was born an NPC cba

@Bjames2k3 Yes, get my dick rubbed

@tomkowdactyl Hit the strip club?

Went in Salford Nisa Local at 7pm. Tunes were loud. Felt like getting buzz, drunk, crunk and fucked up.

Foden rested for FPL

The government is now just frankly taking the p*** out of the British people. Matt Hancock's family friend, who is a racecourse director, was awarded a £14.4 million PPE contract. The company didn't even have a website and the contract was not fulfilled. bylinetimes.com/2021/02/10/fri…

imagine if mr bean put on the mask from the mask. i actually don't even want to imagine this