Tori

to think that emily fumbled alfie and will surely fumble marcello in future over that sauceless manchild gabriel is sending me over the edge 😭 #EmilyInParis x.com/stqrdoms/statu…

No, Gary from Blackpool with 1 GCSE, two brain cells and three teeth, Dr Ahmed the surgeon did not steal your job.

wanna boop his lil nose so bad

"When I was at your age, I survived a pandemic and didn't leave my house for 2 years. You'll be ok if you don't go out tonight" 🤣 We finally have a line to use for future kids

me in public listening to other peoples conversations which is obviously none of my business:

Today I learned that aggressive baby goats have to wear horn noodles to avoid hurting each other

No one is suggesting they could fight a bear. They're saying bears don't pretend they're not bears. Bears don't rape women. People believe victims were attacked by bears. We don't shame people for being afraid of bears. And when a bear attacks a person, we euthanize it.

i cannot believe my frontal lobe is fully developed. like this is it for the rest of my life lol i’m so fucked.

Easter plans: -Have a quick tidy -Mow lawn (unless it rains, which is likely) -Do big shop -Possible traffic jam -Shoddy DIY for 10 minutes -Hide some chocolate -Find the chocolate -Eat the chocolate -Feel a bit sick -Get stressed cooking a big thing for family -More chocolate -Brisk walk to reverse 50,000 calories -Lie down -Watch any old film that’s on normal telly, probably be Indiana Jones or a Bond film -Change the oven clock -Keep thinking Monday is Sunday -Back to work to tell everyone you had a quiet one #BankHoliday

everytime money leaves my bank account because i’ve spent it

the retirement age needs to be lowered to 23 because i’ve had enough

i think leap day should be a internationally observed holiday - you’re telling me we get an extra day every FOUR years and we have to work?? that doesn’t sit right w me

Baby turtles in a variety of colours and patterns

Next week is still January bro.. how many months does this month have

it was the best of times (getting my paycheck) it was the worst of times (doing my job)

Seal accidentally scares baby polar bear

After months and months of January, it’s the 12th of January.

me sowing and then reaping