Tori Bori

Tonight with a killer lineup donttellcomedy.com/shows/san-anto…

I can’t believe I’ve been out here defending him to my friends and family when he continually shows me that he used me

He said, “always call me for audio help” but he doesn’t know the meaning of always.

I keep thinking he has someone to get over me. And I have me to get over him.

My brain is doing this weird nice memory terrible memory thing which feels like even my brain is over thinking about the idiot that broke my heart.

@ I’m listening to iHeart ♫ @iHeartRadio iheart.com/podcast/269-to…

New pod who dis? youtu.be/3tEV5sTn6SE?si…

@TheMontereySA Ooooooeeeee

“I’m not as good as I once was…” - Sir Toby Keith

Can’t wait

How long before a boy texts you when you give him your number? Asking for my carpel tunnel (I keep reaching for the phone)

What’s app is for connecting with your family and cheating on your wife.

I fell in love but he fell into the gap.

Finally fell in love with a man that’s not afraid of commitment. Yes he’s committed to this whole other relationship.

@CooneyOrDie Oop. I mean, I get paid a hundred for featuring and if I drink and eat I tip the server 25. I watch the show, I don’t have to tip but I’m not an asshole.

Last weekend, I opened for a headliner at Flappers comedy club in Burbank. The club told the headliner I’d be paid $100 for opening. At the end of the show, a staff member gave me an envelope with $70 in it. I thought this was probably just a clerical error, so I asked them & the staff member told me, “Oh that’s just the ‘spectator fee,’ we charge a $30 spectator fee since while you’re here you get to see free comedy too. I’m new to club comedy. Is this a normal thing???

What did you get me for women’s history month?

Girl are your eyes open or are you dead?

She’s so back (in the trunk).

This is insane

@ABC We must separate! Lmao

The FBI has issued a warning to iPhone and Android users regarding the security of their communication as text messages between Apple and Android devices are not encrypted and could be intercepted by foreign hackers. abcnews.link/qbHtZZF

Come out before you fight with the fam on Thursday. Got the very funny @genericraul & @daveyjax & @YourHomiePat wif me too