Velcro Ripper

Dating tip guys… take her to Costco… Did that once, bought 50 pounds of rice-cheap—- She couldn’t ever buy that as she couldn’t pick it up… I tossed it on my shoulder and grab another handful of groceries….. She growled at me as she held to door open… Now be in good health if you use this tip… I walked with a limp for a week after that night…forgot to stretch…

@ClaudesBBQ A reasonable plan of action

@velcroripper One a year, needed or not.

This is who runs this account

@Reaper_Colin My heart doc would look around for a clear room, lean in, then whisper She did freaky shit didn’t she? We have exchanged eye glances before when a particularly tasty one walked by…

@velcroripper Better not let Doc find out.

So I flirt and tease the nurses relentlessly… Why? Cause I had two different ones bring me the good pudding…. Now they know and I got them on rotation swinging by every hour to chat tell jokes and bring me their stash.. (Secret is ask for 2 and two spoons then give them one and tell them they look too thin) I am the smartest man alive…

@Reaper_Colin So if you’re wondering I’m the guy that gets the girls to do that thing you like the first time….

@velcroripper That's fucking genius!!!!

@BarterIsBest @MeromeroCa97371 Proof of life pic…

@velcroripper I was wondering if Berto had commandeered this account until you said yellow!! @MeromeroCa97371

Nurse: I’m nurse Britney and I’ll be taking over your care for likely the remainder of your stay, can you confirm your DOB and name? Me: N: ok let’s take a look…wow that’s quite the head of hair for a man your age… actually for any age… can I ask if that’s all natural? Me: yep…all original, a little thinner than when I was younger. N: thinner? Really? That’s umm.. can I? Me: please do… N: that’s really nice hair, always been this color? Me: no was more yellow when I was younger and darkens a bit in the winter.. N: suppose your eyes look different at times too… Me:green is good, blue is watch out… N:lol… very nice… so if you need anything hit the buzzer.. I’ll let you get back to your phone. Me: thanks

@HeavilyRecruitd @TexitDarling Think I’m going down that route I’m big in decent health likely can handle it fine and don’t need this time out bullshit any more…

@velcroripper @TexitDarling I've known a couple of people who've had the ablation. One worked the first time, the other took a second procedure a year or two later. Both are doing much better.

So Nurse Melissa is a tiny pocket sized thing. So far every time she’s checked on me I’ve been lying down. I had got up to do a quick wipe down and to swap out of the gown top I’ve been in when she backed in her cart.. I just stood there when she turned around she was about a foot away. She was saying name and dob for confirmation…. Made me feel good when she froze and went slacked jawed… After the check up I asked her as she was prepping her cart What color are my eyes 0 hesitation…. Green… Still got it..🤣

@GSWIndiana Am that’s just an added bonus… Kinda like natures way of giving you a backup attack

@velcroripper wait, what? I thought you were having heart issues? not constipation....

So after a gauntlet of nurses and doctors visiting I think finally I can finally drop the air biscuit I’ve been cooking… With professionalism and skill I lean over and let the dogs of war slip. Whew that cooked a bit too long and my eyes started watering.. but again no issue no one should visit for 3 more hours plenty of time for the worst to clear. Knock knock…. housekeeping here to clean your room… Me: I shall pray for her soul after that

@TexitDarling So sorry

My precious baby girl and my SIL had to put their GSP down today due to cancer and they are inconsolable. He was rescued by my SIL 8 years ago on a South Texas ranch. Tito was the bestest sweetest boi. My heart is broken. All dogs go to heaven 💔

@Todkahdohs No for me I sit around 115/70 So 82/48 last night spooked then.. It’s coming back up slowly

@velcroripper ummm seriously, my normal bp is 90/60 has been since I was born they are saying thats not safe?

My heart doctor finally showed up… (he was an Army Doctor) He was nice for about 5 minutes when he remembered I who I was and I was prior service…. Dr: so what the fuck is this bullshit? Me: dunno its weird even for me Dr: so you just here to pick up on the nurses? Me: maybe… dr: nice try but this low BP shit gotta stop buddy, I need you out of the danger zone.. we’ve been pouring saline in you now got you on thinners and other things so quit fucking around and get better. Me: I’m trying.. Dr: try harder… if you don’t square your shit away by morning I’m going to zap you. Thought the nurse with him was going to shit her pants.. Then he gave me a bro hug told me he’d come by when his shifts were over and keep me company for a bit… On his way out the door he gave me a hand unicorn

@velcroripper Bro 🤣😭

@mkedgt2 Working on it

@velcroripper Get well soon.

Night all finally got admitted to the non-emergency room.

Young Homie finished his shift and swung by my house to grab some change of clothes for me cause I hate wearing hospital crap.. YH: so, gun, revolt, monkey or patriot shirts? Me: umm, thinking gun isn’t the best for the hospital so any of the others.. impress me with your leadership ability.. YH: shorts aren’t a problem they are all the same.. socks? Me: no they make me wear the grippy socks.. YH: anything else? Some booze? Me: thanks but that won’t help me escape here.. YH: you want me to grab some food when I come over? Me: yes but no they got me on no spice bland shit right now… YH: coffee? Me: yes!! Bring me a cup of my coffee YH: done be there in a few

@WaTxCa The er ones were yummy, got a few on the floor…. Somehow I tend to get the yummy ones…

@velcroripper i hope they hotter nurses

So they want to transfer me to the big hospital near by… Lovely

@TexitDarling They going to bag me a bunch more I’ve been warned..

@velcroripper Good news!

@TexitDarling Good… Paroxysmal AFib but it’s starting to become persistent… Both heart doctors think I’m an excellent candidate for Ablation once we get things under control… this is day two…BPM is good but BP is low, no signs of clots so far more checks in the morning. And thank you!

@velcroripper How are you feeling? My sis was a cardiac nurse for a long time. If you need anything translated or explained, she’ll help.

@SeanBannion It is the way of things… It’s the civilians that get upset

@velcroripper Had a nurse anesthetist once who was a former 18D, got the same treatment once he knew I was retired army. Loved it.

@cattlemanON If I had that pressure they send me home… 100/54 And that’s up from what it was

@velcroripper First question out of Doc’s mouth. “How much water you Drinkin’ , are you being dumb?” Sorry you gotta deal with this. This was April last year.

@weaporize Pretty Much

@velcroripper This you?