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so we are just expected to act like this is a "healthy" body??????????????

I’m a witch so I’ve pulled off getting my ex to dish about his love life. He said a girl came up to him at a bar and gave him a card like a business card but it said “I think you’re cute and I like your vibe” and had a QR code for a powerpoint about herself

Had my first beach weekend of the season got a little tramp stamp sunburn and a big fat boardwalk hot fudge sundae and a nighttime fire pit marshmallow roast

She had an ass like a truck bed and a rack like high beams. And legs like wheels

Watching porn on my magic orb sucks because the only category is voyeur stuff

No way… banana coffee combo strikes again. I’ve said it before but people poo pooed me for years but I was Right

Checking things off my doo doo list

Need a week off to focus on Facebook marketplace

Going to the beach this weekend when it’s 70 degrees is going to feel like this

When someone signs a work email with “yours”

When I have my own bathroom I’m going to get the sink and floor wet as fuuucckk

Literally misogyny aside it’s off putting to me when straight men watch porn because there’s something pathetic to me about needing your little video to jack off. Just do it. Why does your dick need coddling.

@dinosaur_info @graveair That moment when oscar wilde was actually trade the whole time

@graveair Why lie

Fully straight, just a little fruity.

It’s ok I’m mid at my job bc I make less than 50k

@lmkwhenurhome Exhibit b: search “candy” on my profile

@lmkwhenurhome #BrownandFried

i have an amazing 300 calorie 33g protein breakfast recipe that will shock dermatologists but i think some impressionable people follow me so ill give it out to anyone who can certify they have a healthy relationship with food via like a taco bell receipt or something.

Admittedly I got torani marshmallow syrup and it was really bad

1. Dunkin is doing a marshmallow cold foam. I’m down with that but I see no reason to not offer marshmallow syrup 2. They should do marshmallow fluff donut 3. And fluffer nutter coffee and donut 3. They’ve been doing banana flavor coffee- should do banana pudding donut

I think peanut butter/marshmallow/banana would be a great donut combo but the gen pop probably couldn’t handle it. But if they can handle banana coffee maybe I should have more faith