Witch Hazel

Autocorrect changed hoisin to poison so I guess this is my husband's last stir-fry

@ElaineSstark As a teen I only had 2 pics of boys on the wall, Kelly Slater and Keanu Reeves The entire border of my room was Cindy's magazine covers

Cindy Crawford hizo un comercial para Pepsi en 1992 que hasta hoy se recuerda. El director creativo la vio en un calendario de una farmacia y la llamó. Cindy grabó su parte en solo dos tomas y los shorts eran jeans viejos de ella cortados en el set.

@omibaloney Chapter 2 👀 x.com/wit_haze/statu…

@wit_haze HOLY SHIT and also I cannot WAIT to read your dysfunctional family comedy based on this

Since everyone dresses like a whore for Halloween I'm just gonna go as my dad's secretary.

@Sheginger 🫢🤣 Of course you got it. Hi doll! Hugs and kisses and a good rest of your week 😽

My friends maid is pregnant & I texted her this. 🙊

@libriscent Me waiting for men to build me heaven

Men want soft, feminine energy from their women but don’t create the environment for her to turn off her survival mode. My dad always tells me “If he wants an angel, he must build her heaven. Otherwise, don’t blame the demon she becomes to survive hell.” Her energy, mood and behavior is a reflection of her environment.

ppl really live in texas. like wow. why would u do that to urself

Dad always had a double life. Mom found ex-large pantyhose in his trunk & we all just hoped it was an affair.

The eventual Kristi Noem biopic will be directed by John Waters.

Texas™ where you'll see an F-150 tailgate a hearse, hard

went here and everyone was worshipping you

Happy Birthday Rhea Perlman

if i give u my # and u text like this ur never gonna touch me lol

@andyandrist Sweet Christ, Ron Jeremy looks like a cotton ball that fell behind the bathroom trash that you don’t find until months later

My main deciding factor in not getting Lasik is the fact that THERE ARE EYE DOCTORS WHO STILL WEAR GLASSES

Ugh it's a solar company, disappointed it's not a cult

@stevemcomedy @bOjO_LiVe @Q100Vegas Well deserved!

@bOjO_LiVe @wit_haze @Q100Vegas Congratulations 🎊🍾🎉

Thank you to my VGK family for the love and recognition—it truly means a lot 💛🖤🎤 Grateful for the journey and everyone who’s been rocking with me along the way. #VoiceOfAGoodTime #BojoOnTheRadio #TheBojoShow @Q100Vegas

I am obsessed with these fake seed listings on etsy What happens if you plant these seeds What are they sending to people

I bet it works! 😜

Is it racist that I assumed the Tings Tings were Asian