Carl

@theEpicGooner He got the ball.....just

This was shockingly hilarious. Every single person in the world knew it’s a pen and casually Mike Dean refused to give. Arshavin’s reaction was just too good.

@sainsburys What link? Just noticed I've also got a quiche that's got a use by date of today and two garlic bread products with use by dates of tomorrow and Monday. Pretty poor all round when you look at the dates of most of the things that now might get binned #foodwaste

@wobblethron hi Carl, I'm terribly sorry about the short dated puff pastry. Can you DM us using the link below your name, address including postcode and email? Greer

@sainsburys Many thanks for the reduced packs of gluten free pastry you've given me in my order but considering it's 20:30 at night and the use by date is today, I'm not sure it's that much of a bargain!!

When the annoying member of your team announces he's leaving and you suddenly remember you're supposed to act upset

@parkbenchpoet Just came up on my memories. Bless them

@maxrushden Got excited for a moment their. Thought he was going to say Youseff Chippo

@maxrushden For someone who doesn't care, she sounds like she cares a lot

@Stanley1962cox @BBCMOTD None of my business but where do the coke head accusations come from? I've never heard that before

Have we missed not being able to use VAR in the FA Cup this weekend? 🎥🤔

@talkSPORT @sammatterface Stuart "as I say" Pearce really does put me off listening to your commentary. Please have a word with him

@laura_woodsy For me, Clive, they're a bit big but I'm sure you'll carry them off. I'm sure Ken loves them though

In my glasses era 🤓

@maxrushden @larssivertsen @NickyBandini @NickAmes82 Can the attacking team now play volleyball in the defending teams area until they can hit the ball onto the arm of the opposition to win a penalty?

Tomorrow’s football weekly @larssivertsen @NickyBandini @NickAmes82 Any questions?

@maxrushden That can't have been Peter Lovenkrands talking in the news which a strong Scottish accent? That's on a par with Jan Molby being Scouse!!!

First time I've used @JustEatUK for a while and probably the last. According to the app it's now going to be an hour later than the time I actually ordered it for. Did somebody say, just eat?* *Much later than you'd planned*

I love Top Gun: Maverick. Hate to think how many times I've watched it now #channel4

Back to work tomorrow and two things worry me: 1 - Getting up at 6:30 2 - What do I do as a job? I think it's something to do with planes 🤔

@maxrushden Where's Danny Kelly? I was looking forward to listening to him guessing footballers names and attendances

@fesshole My god, it's like Google translate wrote this after converting it from Chinese

My wife and I went to McDonald's . I ordered food while she visited the toilet. After she counted her nuggets went to the counter and kicked up a huge fuss about it being 2 nuggets short. Got a extra set of nuggets free. I have never told I ate 2 while she wasn't there.

Sat on my own in a near empty pub and a couple come and sit on a table next to me. Well that's my quiet solitude ruined!!

@lutonnews *BREAKING NEWS* This game finished about 4 hours ago and they drew

Wilshere aware expectancy will be high when Luton take on bottom side Port Vale

@PETAUK Not quite as catchy but definitely just as tasty

They aren't "pigs in blankets" They are pig bodies wrapped in more pig flesh. There's nothing festive about that.