Dean Baker

@fesshole So, you miss her meat

I became a vegetarian over 20 years ago to try and impress a vegetarian girl I was flatmates with. It was never requited and she eventually moved out and we lost touch. I'm still vegetarian, and to be honest I don't miss meat but I do miss her and still think about her most days.

@fesshole Yep. Work dad

53 & the only bloke in an office with five women aged between 23 & 30. They're all overly nice to me, make me brews & give hugs. Thought I still 'had it' until one of them said they all see me as their 'work dad'. I've never been brought down to earth harder in my life.

@NHSEngland what an absolute waste of money your app is, have to go through it to verify who I am but can't, just for my repeat script, and I'm an IT literate person, god help the elderly, they will have no chance

@tonyblackburn @BBCRadio2 6.40ish on the way in to work until 7! Have a good show!

I hope you’ll join me tomorrow at 6 am for Sounds of the 60s. @BBCRadio2

@fesshole No sex for you, then

I've been growing a beard for the whole of December, my partner hates it, refuses to kiss me and demands I shave it off. I don't take kindly to being told what to do so I think I'll grow it for January too.

@Ffototawe @fesshole Wel, blydi hel, ys gwetws y bardd

@ypobydd @fesshole GPC.

Just found out its "peaks and troughs" and not "pigs and troughs" im 39 years old

@Ffototawe @fesshole Rhaid taw, felly. Wwff

@Ffototawe @fesshole ? Ti'n siŵr am hynny? Heb glywed o'r blaen. Byd-droadol!

@ypobydd @fesshole Ddoe blwydd oed yn darganfod bod 'efallai' = ef a (g) allai.

@fesshole Oh dear

For 23 years, I've been taking the minutes for the monthly regional managers meeting. Nobody has ever asked to view them before, so since going wfh I've been using the meetings to do my online food shop instead. I've just been asked for the minutes from our January meeting.

@matteveritt been catching up on the NP sessions, drummers and Laura Marling, superb listening!

@fesshole Zebras always reveal their spots

When talking to my gammony brother-in-law, to pass the time and hope his rants end soon I alphabetise my replies. "Ah ok" "but are you sure" etc. Z is the most difficult.

@fesshole Good tactic

I don't talk to my wife about my 'man' problems or any sensitive feeling stuff as she always tells her best friends. I now have pretend press conferences in my head where I talk through the problems in the form of questioning from journalists.

@fesshole I loved JAHMT

Mate's fess but he bought a Giant Schnauzer, & named him Wordsworth. His painfully middle-class wife is beyond delighted to have a dog named after a romantic poet. No one's told her, the dog is actually named after the sheepdog in Jamie & The Magic Torch.

@cefincampbell Naaaaaa! Paid troi i'r ochr tywyll! 🤣🤣🤣

@ypobydd Mae Trump wedi cynnig swydd i fi fel Cydlynydd Cryptocurrency Cymru (CCC)! 😂

@cefincampbell ody dy Facebook wedi'i hacio?

@cefincampbell Meddwl bod e'n od dy fod yn postio am cryptocurrencies, ac yn Gymraeg!

@ypobydd Ydy 😡

@fesshole Who?

Everyone a certain age knows the piano chords from Sweet Harmony by Liquid. Turns out my music teacher didn't. I fully ripped it off for my music GCSE in the mid 90s and got an A* for it.

@yggwyr Wedi gwylio'r boi yma ers Bryn y Môr, dyfodol mawr o'i flaen! Llongyfarchiadau mawr David!

@Ffototawe Wedi colli 2 chicken bake o Greggs ffordd na, bastards

Mugged by a seagull. Bastard flew in from behind and pinched my egg & ham roll out of my hand. Not happy ...